


The darkest side of me

by Cysteine



Series: The Contingency Plan (Trans Snape series) [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Asexuality, Grey-A, Homophobia, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, Other, Trans Female Character, Trans Severus Snape, Trans Snape Week, Transphobia, trans snape week in tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:34:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11370783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cysteine/pseuds/Cysteine
Summary: Severus Snape knew from a young age that their family was different. Severus knew to suppress magic at home, and to suppress their gender identity at Hogwarts.(Italicized portions came directly from the books.)I promised my wife that this would not be an extremely long story.Title from Three Days Grace song:I can't escape myselfSo many times I've liedBut there's still rage insideSomebody get me through this nightmare...So what if you can see the darkest side of me?No one would ever change this animal I have becomeHelp me believe it's not the real meSomebody help me tame this animal I have become(Sequel is coming, titled "I Feel the Light Betray Me")





	1. Year One

"I will NOT have a Nancy for a son!" The smell of stale beer wafted through the small home in Cokeworth as a frightened three year old cowered behind a mother's skirts. 

"Severus is wearing a dressing gown! It's traditional in the wizardi-" Eileen's sentence was abruptly cut off as the meaty thump of Tobias' backhanding knocked her off balance. 

"Put some trousers on him! And don't use that word around this house!" Tobias refused to feel inferior to a woman, particularly his own wife. The years had not been merciful to her, so why should he be any different?

The tea kettle flew across the kitchen, striking the drunken man's head without any real force behind it. 

"You little ba-" Tobias' rage shifted to his ungrateful son, who was now scrabbling up the stairs while his mother Eileen attempted to calm her husband down.

"He can't control it this young, Tobias!" As the parents' shouting could be heard throughout Spinners End, Severus knew it was dangerous to be a witch among muggles.

* * *

Tobias Snape only bought the most masculine muggle clothing possible for his son, which left Severus scrounging for whatever he could find in storage that would be long and flowy like robes that Merlin would have worn. 

Despite multiple trips to the barber (and Tobias shaving his son's head with the clippers himself) Severus' hair magically grew overnight to the same lanky length, much to his father's dismay. 

One afternoon while his father was at the pub watching the world cup with friends, Severus found his mother's Slytherin robes packed away with her wand. 

At seven years old, he was in primary school with muggles and had to be careful with his magic and to not mention anything about the Wizarding World. It made making friends even harder for him, until he met a red-haired girl at a park with her sister. 

Severus immediately understood that she had magic, but she was not from a wizarding family. Petunias fear of Lily explained exactly why muggles could never know about the Magical World.

At first glance, Severus admired Lily. She was happy, she got to wear clothing that she likes, and she seemed to have a family that loved her. 

Petunia, of course, held the same kind of look in her face that all the bullies had at school. Severus immediately understood that Muggles could never be trusted with anything that was different or weird.

* * *

_“How are things at your house?” Lily asked._

_A little crease appeared between his eyes._

_“Fine,” he said. “They’re not arguing anymore?”_

_“Oh yes, they’re arguing,” said Snape. He picked up a fistful of leaves and began tearing them apart, apparently unaware of what he was doing. “But it won’t be that long and I’ll be gone.”_

_“Doesn’t your dad like magic?”_

_“He doesn’t like anything, much,” said Snape._ He wore sleeves in the summer to hide the bruises that inevitably happened.

_“Tuney!” said Lily, surprise and welcome in her voice, but Snape had jumped to his feet._

_“Who’s spying now?” he shouted. “What d’you want?”_

_Petunia was breathless, alarmed at being caught._ Severus could tell she wad struggling for something hurtful to say.

_“What is that you’re wearing, anyway?” she said, pointing at Snape’s chest. “Your mum’s blouse?”_

Fear washed over him, and he remembered getting punched and pinned face-down on his bed by Tobias, screaming for his mother to come save him from his father's drunken temper.

"You're wearing blouses; so you wanna get buggered in the arse like a girl? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, QUEER?!"

_There was a crack. A branch over Petunia’s head had fallen. Lily screamed. The branch caught Petunia on the shoulder, and she staggered backward and burst into tears._

_“Tuney!” But Petunia was running away. Lily rounded on Snape. “Did you make that happen?”_

Severus' mind was ripped away from the memory that was poorly Obliviated by the Aurors who responded hours later. 

_“No.” He looked both defiant and scared._

_“You did!” She was backing away from him. “You did! You hurt her!”_

_“No – no, I didn’t!”_

_But the lie did not convince Lily. After one last burning look, she ran from the little thicket, off after her sister, and Snape looked miserable and confused._

* * *

_"It is real, isn’t it? It’s not a joke? Petunia says you’re lying to me. Petunia says there isn’t a Hogwarts. It is real, isn’t it?”_

_“It’s real for us,” Severus replied_ , making a decision. "I have something to show you."

"Don't open your eyes." Severus was shaking in fear as he and Lily were up in his parents attic. He'd worn his mother's first year robes many times, but this was the first time he was going to show it to someone else.

"I'm not peeking," Lily replied playfully. "But where are your parents?"

"The factory shut down and they both work now. It's better in a way; less fights mean nobody gets hit."

Lily frowned at that, but didn't know what to do about the situation. 

Severus took a deep breath and exhaled. "Okay you can open them."

When Lily opened her eyes, she gasped in surprise. "That's a real Hogwarts school uniform isn't it?"

Severus nodded. "It belonged to my mother."

"Which house wears green?"

"Slytherin, the house of cunning and ambition!"

Lily's smile faltered. "You said that Slytherin house doesn't accept muggle-borns."

"I'll appeal to the Headmaster. Being ambitious and cunning shouldn't depend on who your parents were."

She grinned at that. "Can I try it on?"

* * *

They weren't on the Hogwarts Express for ten minutes before James and Sirius began picking on Snape and Slytherin House. He was glad to see even Lily was disgusted at their antics. 

_“Come on, Severus, let’s find another compartment.”_

_“Oooooo…”_

_James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice; James tried to trip Snape as he passed._

_“See ya, Snivellus!” a voice called, as the compartment door slammed._

"Sev, I'm not so sure I want to be a Gryffindor if they act like those bullies."

"That's why everyone thinks Slytherin is full of Dark Wizards; they pick on the weak ones long enough and when they hit back, it supposedly proves we were evil in the first place."

"But what about all that blood purity rubbish?"

Severus shrugged at that. "I don't know; maybe a fear of change? Before the Statute of Secrecy, the muggles instigated The Burning Times. They slaughtered each other trying to find us because they feared magic." 

The pair of them found an empty compartment and settled in as the train began to move out of the station.

"We're actually going to Hogwarts!" Lily said, beaming at her friend. "After seeing Diagon Alley, and ordering my very own owl to write my parents, I can't wait to sleep in a magic castle!"

Severus grinned back at her. "I told you it was real for us."

* * *

After the first few weeks, Severus and Lily fell into a routine. They would sit next to each other in History of Magic, study in the library together before dinner on Thursdays, and they had a place where they would talk every Saturday by the Great Lake, usually trying to see the Giant Squid.

They sat together under a tree for shade on an unusually sunny September weekend while the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw quidditch match filled the skies in the distance. 

"Do you want to borrow my owl to write home, Sev?"

He shook his head. "Mum's in St. Mungo's and Tobias convinced the Aurors that he was really sorry this time. The Ministry can't do much here since they won't report him to the muggle authorities."

He looked out towards the lake and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from crying.

"Severus, can I ask you something?"

"You just did." He replied playfully. 

She chuckled at that, making the edge of his lips curl up slightly.

"Your hair is pretty long for a boy."

Severus gulped at that. He didn't want accidental magic to happen again as he felt her fingers stroke his head.

"Wizards sometimes wear their hair long." Severus said defensively.

"No, I meant... can I play with it? Whenever my mum did it, I found it comforting. I thought you might like it."

He nodded, turning his back to her and relaxing as her fingers ran over his scalp. Having grown up in a household where showing affection was a weakness (meaning you were soft, and therefore punished) Severus both melted into the touch and was ready to flinch away and defend himself if needed. 

Lily hummed to herself and attempted to braid the black silky hair as she said what had been on her mind since they first met.

"You're not like the other boys."

Severus stilled at that, instantly getting tense. He didn't want her to stop, but he was equally ready for his father or other boys to apparate into existence and to beat the softness out of him.

Severus began to learn how to mask his features and quiet his mind in preparation for the worst. 

"Like... you're not a bully, I mean."

"Not all boys are bullies." Severus replied carefully, "Arthur Weasley isn't one."

"I guess. You're just different is all." Lily replied, running her fingers just under the braid and shook it loose. She couldn't help but realize how silky smooth his hair was and envied how manageable it could be. 

"Seeing how most boys act, I'll take that as a compliment."

Lily huffed at that. "I thought you'd get less bruises here at Hogwarts when you were away from your dad."

"We all get caught with that trick staircase once," lied Sev, "after that, you learn to miss that step."

"I meant James and Sirius. Seriously how are they in my house when they would do better along with Bellatrix and the Carrows."

"I doubt switching them to Slytherin would make them any nicer towards me. They refuse to use my name because it's muggle. I'm 'that half-blood, Prince' to them."

As they looked out over the lake, a tentacle broke the surface and pulled down a duck with incredible speed. As Lily gasped at the horror of it, Severus comforted her that the giant squid had to eat as well. 

* * *

Severus spent the Halloween feast in the hospital wing as James and Sirius had just learned the knockback jinx and threw Severus off the third floor railing in the grand staircase. 

Lily had attended the feast long enough to grab their favorites and sneak them in to Severus. 

"The mediwitch told me that I could have died had I landed differently. Headmaster Dippet won't let me write to the Minister and ask to press charges against them because 'boys will be boys'. Gryffindor favoritism, I wager."

"Would you like a pumpkin pastry?" Lily offered, frowning as Severus winced and was unable to use his right arm and resorted to the other one. 

"Thank you Lily. I swear those two could get away with murder here." Severus said darkly. 

"Maybe it was just an accident?" Lily hedged nervously. 

"I was looking at my own bones protruding through my skin, blood pooling all around me while they laughed. They **laughed** at nearly killing me."

"If it was just a broken arm, why are you still here? Don't they have magic to reset the bone instantly?" Lily asked, genuine concern in her voice. 

"It's the blood loss; I have to take blood replenishing potion for the next 12 hours. Madame Pomfrey says she hasn't seen something this bad since the war with Grindelwald."

Professor Slughorn strolled into the hospital wing, carrying a tray of potions into the midiwitch's office before bringing a small vial to Severus.

"Happy Halloween, Severus... though I suppose it would be happier if you were able to spend the feast with your fellow Slytherins." Severus took his next dose of the blood replenishing potion and grimaced at the taste. 

"I think the nettles went off, Professor." Slughorn took the vial and sniffed it, face wrinking in disgust. 

"You're right, my boy... I'm going to have a word with my apothecary," he turned to the young Slytherin with interest. "Would you be interested in helping me re-brew these potions? I bet you've got a real nose for this."

The gears in Severus' mind turned quickly as he agreed to the partnership. 

"Great! And Miss Evans can come as well; anyone willing to miss out on the feast to comfort an injured Slytherin is alright in my book."

"Professor Slughorn, what happened to James and Sirius?"

"James and...? Oh, they got detention for using magic in the hallways. First real infraction by a first year, and it was an accident, so... they probably won't do that again. Good evening, Severus."

* * *

As the year progressed, James and Sirius named themselves The Marauders and added Remus and Peter to their gang. 

Peter was the scout while Remus worked as a lookout to ensure the Marauders didn't get in trouble as they picked on solitary Slytherins trying to get to class on time. 

By the winter holidays, Slytherins were huddled in pairs and still getting attacked as spells seems to come out of thin air. 

In the following spring, half of the Slytherin quidditch team was incapacitated before their match with Gryffindor in what would be known as the most lopsided victory ever in Hogwarts history. 

The injured quidditch players Yaxley, McNair, and Avery formed up a defensive group with Malfoy and Bellatrix shortly after and called themselves the Knights of Walpurgis.

The only Slytherin that didn't need the Knights of Walpurgis to defend himself from The Marauders was Severus Snape, who wasn't targeted whenever Lily was around.

* * *

 As the year ended, Severus wasn't looking forward to going back home. He had enjoyed the quiet Christmas holiday and had a visit from Eileen, who swore that Tobias had gotten better, but Severus could tell that his mother was lying to herself. 

"I'll spend every day writing you; my owl could use the exercise." Lily said as she hugged Severus tightly, causing him to groan painfully. 

Before Severus could play it off, Lily jabbed a finger directly into the sore spot. 

"You're still getting hurt?"

"The Marauders simply got better at getting away with it." He grumbled. 

"You can't prove they are behind the attacks, though." Lily objected. 

"That's how they got better at hiding it. Practice makes perfect."

Lily gave an unconvinced look to Sev, hugging him before they left the train. 

"Take care of yourself, friend."

"Always."

* * *

 

 


	2. Year Two

Over the summer, Severus studied his entire potions textbook as well as the herbology book. He even found his mother's former books and started reading up on upper-level potioneering mechanisms, like collecting and condensing the steam from a boiling cauldron as well as cold-boiling a dangerous potion by modifying the air pressure within a sealed cauldron. 

"I wish we could practice making some of these potions," Lily muttered, flipping through her potions book. 

In the previous year, Severus simply did the preparation work for Professor Slughorn, mostly to improve his knife skills and on making the stock starting solutions. Even though he wasn't brewing the potions himself, he got to see and smell how the potions would react when done properly.

"I'll save up money to get ingredients so we can brew at Hogwarts and sell the potions for profit... or for research."

Lily winced at that, uncertain how to respond. A beat. 

Severus huffed in frustration, breaking the silence. "Go ahead and say it."

"How are you going to save up money at twelve?"

"I'm poor." He said derisively.

"It's not your fault, Sev-"

"It's my muggle father's fault. He lost his factory job and refuses to let my mother get a job in the Wizarding World."

"...do you think Professor Slughorn could use an apprentice to help him restock the hospital wing? Maybe drop your name to a few investors and start a mail-order business in a year or two?" Lily offered.

Severus grinned at that. "How are you not in Slytherin?" 

* * *

Their second year was less eventful than the first, as Severus learned to use hidden passageways to avoid getting ganged up against and would sometimes throw a random hex when James would pick on an isolated Hufflepuff named Archibald Stebbins when they thought nobody was looking.

Lily and Severus were inseparable outside of classes and were invited to have Sunday evening dinner with Professor Slughorn and a few select students. He seemed very interested in all of the students' relatives, with a keen interest with Abraxas Malfoy and the members of the Wizengamot he could summon as fast as an owl could fly.

It was after one such dinner that Lily stayed behind and asked if the pair of them could help brew potions for the Hospital Wing for extra credit.

"Miss Evans, you cannot surpass an 'Outstanding', no matter how hard you try." He said with a knowing grin. "Though I should award House Points for Ambition unbecoming a Gryffindor."

Severus lifted his chin, but not his eyes. "Begging your pardon, sir, but she's asking with hopes that we'll get the experience to start our own potion mail-order business within a few years..."

Horace nodded solemnly at that. "If this is about a need for Galleons, I'm certain the Headmaster can secure you a scholarship for economic hardship-"

"-with all due respect sir, I didn't want charity from Headmaster Dippet, either. I want to earn it."

The Potions Master nodded in pride at his new assistant. "Very well, Mister Snape. Consider yourself hired."

* * *

Twice a week, Severus and Lily would prepare potions ingredients in an amicable silence, only talking to review their notes from other classes such as History of Magic or Charms. Before they would start, Lily would braid Severus' hair to keep it out of the way, making him smile in thanks.

It was just after the first Hogsmeade trip that James Potter had bragged about sneaking out to Honeyduke's for a bag of every flavor beans.

"...no idea how he's sneaking out of the castle, and then has the gall to show off what he got when he gets back to the common room like that's supposed to impress me!" 

Severus shrugged as Lily ranted. He already got used to the idea that James Potter could get away with murder at Hogwarts.

"Does he care about losing points for Gryffindor? Of course not! It's always about him, and his ego, and getting away with whatever he can-"

"Lily?" Sev asked, making the redhead stop mid-stream and look at the diced shrivelfigs on her cutting board.

"Sorry." She apologized, handing the board over so that he can add the ingredient to their cauldron.

"Next year when we're allowed, I'll walk with you to Honeyduke's and we'll try one of every flavor bean they have."

Lily snorted in laughter. "Even the dirt and grass flavors?"

Sev nodded. "Especially those. Don't let him get under your skin."

Lily actually pouted at that. "He brags because he thinks it will impress me."

"Well, what does impress you?"

"Being intelligent and talented. Not being a bully. Pretty much everything that is the opposite of James and Sirius. I don't care that he's the rebellious Black who  _didn't_ get sorted in Slytherin; you're a Slytherin and you seem just fine."

Severus gaped in surprise. "Thanks, I think."

* * *

When winter came, Severus was in need of warmer clothes that fit him and it was only through the benevolence of Lucius and the Knights of Walpurgis that he was given warmer robes to wear.

Severus didn't want to feel like he owed them, but the Slytherin Prefect Malfoy explained it as a need to preserve appearances.

"Besides, you took on the three Marauders all by yourself. I expect to see great things come of you."

While Sev was grateful for the warm robes, he didn't like the obvious male cut to the garment.

Back home for Boxing Day, Severus and Lily spent the day at her parent's house drinking cocoa and watching a show called Doctor Who.

"So he doesn't have a name?" Severus asked, puzzled.

Lily pointed at the screen. "Well he does, but he goes by 'The Doctor'."

"But he's the third of himself?"

Lily shrugged. "Something like that; it's still brilliant television."

Sev slept better on Lily's couch than he ever did under Tobias' roof.

* * *

Severus arrived early at King's Cross as he was given bus fare since Tobias didn't see the point in wasting petrol driving him back to his 'queer school'. He was secretly happy for being so early so that he could find an empty cabin rather than having to go through repeated rejections.

A knock at the door surprised him as he expected Lily to just come in.

"Severus, may I join you?" The Hufflepuff Archibald Stebbins asked nervously, looking up and down the main aisle a few times.

Sev shrugged, nodding to the seats across from him. Archibald nodded his thanks and quickly stowed his suitcase and carrier for his owl under the seat.

"Sirius was looking for me at Platform 9 3/4; I think they wanted to induct a new Marauder by doing something to me." His voice was flinty and filled with dread, and Severus had already decided to protect this Badger.

"Why are they picking on you?" It was obvious that the Marauders would pick on any Slytherin, but Hufflepuffs usually stayed out of the fray.

Archibald shrugged, hugging himself while fisting his wand. "I can't defend myself like you can."

Sev raised an eyebrow at that. "What's the real reason?"

Before Archibald could reply, the door slammed open to a rat-faced smile . "Found you," he said in a sing-song voice, "Archie the Arse Bandit..."

Severus stood up to his full height, standing half a head over the diminutive would-be bully. "This badger... is under my protection." He paused as he watched the Gryffindor gulp down his fear. "Do you understand me?"

He shook slightly as he tried to look brave. "I-I'll return w-with the rest of the Marauders!"

Sev shrugged effortlessly. "And I can summon the Knights of Walpurgis. When you don't have James or Sirius to defend you."

The rat-faced boy turned and ran, falling over as a well-placed tripping jinx hit him from behind. Lily entered the cabin, smirking at her spell-work.

"Now they've gone and recruited Peter to their little gang." She huffed in disgust before seeing the Hufflepuff there, making her face light up in surprise. "Severus Snape, are you making friends?!"

Sev shrugged at that. "Building alliances."

Archibald held his hand out to Lily. "I'm Archibald Stebbins, but you can call me Archie."

"Lily Evans." She shook his hand and proceeded to put away her suitcase and cat carrier, letting her  large white and grey tabby cat loose.

"And this is Ashes. She's well behaved around owls, but won't befriend guys. No offense." Lily apologized. 

Ashes immediately popped up onto the seats and head-butted Severus, demanding affection. Severus immediately acquiesced to Ashes' demands and rubbed the cat between the shoulders. 

"I uh... want to thank you Sev. And ask that you not repeat what Peter called me."

Severus shrugged as if it were nothing. "I didn't hear anything." Lily's familiar curled up in Severus' lap and began purring loudly. 

Archie looked at the cat with concern. "I thought you said she didn't like guys."

Lily chuckled at the exchange. "My familiar sees Sev as the exception."

As the trolley witch went by with Honeydukes treats, Archie stopped Lily from buying anything from the cart and instead shared his own private stock. 

"Their stuff is only okay compared to what my mum and I bake." 

Severus looked at the proffered baked goods with skepticism. 

"I won't buy it, Badger." 

"- not selling it, Serpent."

Archie and Sev held each other's gazes and nodded in understanding.  

Lily shook her head at the boys as Severus tried one of Archie's cookies, glad to see that a Slytherin can befriend a Hufflepuff.

* * *

The spring semester saw Lily, Archie, and Severus become best friends despite their different houses. It wasn't unusual to the Knights defending fellow Slytherins from random attacks that seemed to come from nowhere, but soon enough word had gotten out that certain Hufflepuffs were on a "no touch" list. 

Professor Slughorn brought it up one evening at his "slug club" to Lucius Malfoy. 

"Lucius, my boy, I'm glad to see your friends performing some well-needed inter-house cooperation. Though I do wish I knew where these random attacks were coming from."

Lucius nodded as he delicately bit into a treacle tart. "We Slytherins do enjoy a challenge." His eyes darted to Severus momentarily, and Horace noticed it.

"Though I do have to ask if there is some sort of equivalent exchange. I'd like to think that all Slytherins are altruistic, but seeing the last Gryffindor that Mulciber sent to the Hospital Wing, there's something else at play."

Mulciber and Avery were quite possibly the most feared Knights of Walpurgis at Hogwarts, and most people would rather have them on their side than be on their list. While Lucius refused to respond, Severus broke the silence.

"There was an unexpected act of kindness from a few Hufflepuffs in the form of homemade baked goods and sweets. It was the first time we weren't seen as simply evil for wearing green."

Horace nodded happily towards Lily as an example. "I hope that someday this prejudice will end."

 


	3. Year Three

As the third year progressed between Severus, Lily, and Archie, the Gryffindor of the group became distant and made Severus feel guilty without knowing what had happened.

Archie was watching Sev work at doing potions, uncertain how he could help. The Slytherin's hair kept getting in the way without Lily there and he didn't stubbornly refused to pull his hair back, letting the fumes from the cauldron turn his scalp and hair greasy.

"Sev, you seem unfocused." Archie mentioned, trying to keep up with the potions notes.

"I'm perfectly fine, Archie." He responded, sharpening this silver potions knife.

"You're about to cut nettles, without proper gloves on."

As Archie said that, Severus looked to his prep space and put down the knife with an audible sigh.

"I might be... preoccupied."

"Look, Lily is going through something right now, and it's up to her if she wants to include us or not."

"I promised to walk with her on our first Hogsmeade trip."

Archie frowned at that. "No reason you can't. Or is this because you fancy her and you don't know if she knows?"

Severus shrugged morosely. "I don't  _fancy_ her any more than you do, Archie. She's just a... good friend who understands me."

"Understands you?"

"She knows my secret."

Archie looks around nervously before responding. "Well you know I'd rather have a bloke polish my wand than a girl. What's yours?"

Severus shuddered as the memory of himself at six years gold getting punched and pinned face-down on his bed by his drunk father, threatening to rape the femininity out of him as his mother refused to rescue him by using magic.

Sev shrugged, shaking the memory out of his head a bit too quickly. "You're fine. I'm a freak."

Archie patted his shoulder in sympathy. "If you ever want to tell me, I'll listen."

* * *

As the students filed up to leave for the short walk to Hogsmeade, Severus was surprised to feel fingers interlace with his own and hold his hand.

"Hey Sev." Lily smiled at him sadly.

"You missed our potions appointment."

"Yeah, about that... I know we were supposed to stop by and get every flavor beans, but can we instead stop by Pippin's Potions?"

Severus looked at her questioningly. "Our future overpriced competitor?"

Lily squirmed under his look. "I'm... having cramps."

Severus nodded in understanding. "Sure, but I'm not certain they will have anything useful there. We'd be better off researching Tomes and Scrolls for a Potions book dealing with your menses."

Half an hour later, Severus was scouring the shelves at Dogweed and Deathcap to find baneberry and bloodroot. The shop keeper kept a close eye on the pair, wondering what in Merlin's name two thirteen year olds were doing here.

Lily huffed and just asked the man at the register where she could find the ingredients.

"Those are some highly restricted ingredients, young lady. Prohibited due to their use in abortifacient potions."

Lily's eyes went wide at that, darting a glance to Severus. "I uh.. had no idea..."

Sev came over to stand next to her, attempting to look confident as he spun lies into sounding like truth.

"We're apprenticing under Professor Horace Slughorn, and attempting to make a new type of pain-relieving potion for a... _very discrete client_. Without the moonstone, and using the base of a pain-relieving potion, we think that we can make it target-"

The shop keeper waved him to stop. "I would have flunked old Slug's class if it hadn't been for my uncle. That will be eight sickles and five knuts."

* * *

Back in Slughorn's lab, Lily and Severus worked on the potion that was supposed to relieve her cramps. Horace came in and looked over their notes, marveling at the notes Severus made in his journal.

"This is... _inspired work_. Definitely in the morally grey area, but...  _inspired._ Will you patent it with the Ministry?"

Severus shrugged. "Don't you have to be of age to do that?"

Horace nodded sadly at that. "Well, when you do turn seventeen..." The Potions Professor summoned a textbook and gently placed it on the table before Severus.  _Advanced Potion Making_ was on the cover and in mint condition. "I was given a copy Libatius Borage's latest edition; barely any changes except for the publisher to make more money. Consider this an investment into your future."

Severus nodded his thanks, knowing that his family couldn't afford a 40-Galleon textbook. It also meant that Professor Slughorn thought that his potions brewing skills were on par for NEWT levels already.

"Thank you so much, Professor Slughorn. I'll definitely put it to good use."

* * *

It was after the Halloween Feast that Severus first had a tightening feeling in his pants. He had been on the lookout for the Marauders, expecting to have to duel all four of them at once. As he made it past the statue of Gregory the Smarmy, he heard some heavy breathing and silenced his footfalls and discovered a secret passageway behind the statue.

There he saw a witch on her knees in front of a wizard, moving her head as the guy moaned into the silent corridor. Severus backed away once he understood what was going on, and was immediately back in his bunk with the curtains drawn tight and a privacy charm engaged.

Sev was alone in the room, and he wanted to deal with the painful erection. He had already known what felt good, but the actions in the corridor confused him.

He wanted to be a girl, so was he supposed to want to be on his knees for a boy like that? Severus knew he wasn’t flexible enough to try putting it into his own mouth, and he was pretty certain that he wasn’t sexually interested in men.

So he settled for pleasing himself with his hand, instantly feeling guilt and disgust as he magically vanished the offending mess.

* * *

During Christmas break, Lily and Severus were studying in his room as his mother Eileen had gotten a job while Tobias was in muggle jail again for assaulting her.

Severus was making detailed notes on an ageing potion while Lily looked on with concern. Since his puberty began, his voice started cracking and getting deeper and he simply wanted his vocal cords to quit being in a state of flux.

“Sev, do you want to talk about it?”

Without raising his eyes, he knew what button to press.

“Do you want to talk about why Petunia’s given you the cold shoulder?”

Lily gives him a calculated look.

“I could dose you with Veritaserum.”

“You’d try, and fail.” He snapped back playfully.

“You would be paranoid enough to drink only from a hip flask like that Auror Moody.”

Severus shrugs at that. “It would seem to be prudent, in order to keep secrets… secret.”

Lily shook her head at that. “You’re my best friend, and something is bothering you. I can help, or at least listen.”

Severus put down his quill and closed the textbook. “I wish I could… regenerate… like the Doctor Who fellow. New face, new personality.”

Lily tried not to laugh. “Do you want white-blonde curls like Xenophilius Lovegood’s girlfriend Pandora?”

Sev rolled his eyes at that. “No… more like, I would want a new life.”

Lily winced at that. “You’d give up Hogwarts? Magic? Your... friends?”

Severus was shocked at that. “No, of course not!” The corner of Lily’s mouth turned up slightly. “I just wish that I didn’t look like this.”

“That reminds me, since your home isn’t flagged as muggle-only, could I try practicing some basic cosmetic charms?” Lily asked, trying to change the subject.

“Knock yourself out, you know where the mirrors are.”

Lily’s wand was out and hitting the Slytherin’s face with the scourgify charm before he had a chance to react. Severus had never been so lax with defense at Hogwarts, and was stunned to see how quick his best friend was at the draw as a complexion charm washed over his face and he summoned a mirror to see what she had done.

“What on earth do you think you are doing, Miss Evans?” His voice came out deeper than he had expected, and Lily actually shuddered at the sound of it.

“Um… giving you a makeover? I already braid your hair-”

“-for potion brewing-”

“I could use the practice, maybe save money on muggle cosmetics too.”

Severus shook his head in resignation, holding his breath as panic tried to overtake him. “Fine.”

She experimented with his eyebrows, smoothing out his complexion, adding a wave to his hair, and eyeliner. “You could pull off the punk look.”

Severus got up and went to the bathroom to look at his reflection. There was something delicate and pretty in the reflection; it was the closest he could come to being seen as a woman.

Lily was beside him, quirking a small smile. “What do you think?” She did the same spells to herself, only this time covering up her freckles.

“Your freckles are nice; you shouldn’t hide them.”

She adjusted the complexion charm and cleaned up her eyebrows and attempted to do a braiding charm. Her hair tangled instead, making Severus cast Finite Incantatem and hand her a brush.

“Okay I should do my hair by hand still.” Lily huffed as she brushed her hair smooth. “You have pretty eyes… for a guy.”

Severus scoffed at that. “It’s just the eyeliner.”

She turned to look directly at him. “No, it’s not. You have kind eyes, and really long eyelashes. I’m kind of jealous of them, to be honest.”

“My father would beat anything kind or pretty out of me. I’m glad he’s in jail for now, but he’s only going to be angrier and hit harder next time.”

“I’m so sorry-”

Severus canceled the charms on his face, leaving the bathroom and going back to his books. “That’s why I need to excel at this; maybe with my own potions business, I can get my mother out of this place and back into the magical world where she belongs.”

* * *

Back at Hogwarts, Severus noticed a complete absence of bullying from the Marauders, which made him suspicious that they were planning something much worse than before.

The Knights of Walpurgis noticed it as well, and would sometimes pick on the muggle-born Gryffindors to see if the Marauders would retaliate.

It wasn’t until two weeks later that Remus Lupin had missed two days of classes in a row that Severus decided to investigate. If he had been injured, there would have been word of it and James would have been at the Hospital Wing with him.

Remus didn’t seem to be in Hogwarts at all.

And while Remus had returned after three days, he looked somewhat like his father did once he came back from jail.

It wouldn’t be until the next ‘Slug Club’ that he’d get a chance to bring it up in a nonchalant manner.

“Oh, young Mister Lupin? Albus told me that he went home to see to his sick mother.”

Severus wasn’t certain why Remus would go home for that; shouldn’t she be at St. Mungo’s instead? 

It was nearly Easter break when things began to return to ‘normal’, as Severus was defending Archie against James, Sirius, and Peter on the 6th floor boy’s lavatory.

Archie had learned how to block spells better, but still didn’t have the dash of ruthlessness that Severus did when attacking.  Since Peter was the weakest link of hte group, Severus was able to use knockback jinxes to repel the Marauders, promising revenge at a later date.

As Sev cleaned the pair of them up, Archie seemed embarrassed.

“You held your own this time, Archie, why do you look like you lost?”

“Didn’t you hear how James was taunting you?” Archie asked, looking away in shame.

“I was too busy dueling three of the Marauders at the same time to take notice.”

“They called you my girlfriend. Probably going to spread it all across the school.”

Severus stilled at that, gulping hard. Once he recomposed himself and was certain that his voice wouldn’t quiver, he looked his friend right in the eyes.

“I’m not a girl, so I cannot be your girlfriend. Those arseholes are known to be bullies and are going to say whatever they want anyways.”

Archie scoffed at that. “You sound like Professor Sprout; just ignore the bullies and they will leave you be.”

Sev took a different approach. “Ever notice how Peter scampers behind Sirius and laughs at his jokes too hard?”

Archie stifled a laugh at that. “It’s like someone dosed him with amortentia.”

Severus nodded towards the door. “Let’s get to lunch; tonight we need to sneak out to the greenhouses to get some fluxweed during the full moon.”


	4. Year Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sev begins to change pronouns in the story. Watch out.

Severus had a meager stream of income with his mail-order potion business, which somehow pleased Tobias Snape as ‘Drug Chemist’ was acceptably masculine enough and puberty had turned his son into someone who could defend himself in a fight.

His mother, however, seemed unable to defend herself and looked less like herself every time he came home to see her.

Lily noticed it when she would come over to study (mostly get away with practicing spells) but wasn’t certain how to bring it up.

Something else had changed between the two of them; the way she looked at him and smiled when she thought he wasn’t looking, and the way he blushed when she did.

It was at the Three Broomsticks during a Hogsmeade trip that Lily finally approached the subject.

“You know you can stay in the castle for Christmas Break, right?”

Severus nodded glumly. “I’d rather deal with my parents for a few days if it means Boxing Day with you and the telly.”

Lily’s lips pressed tight at that. “Well, that’s sweet and all, but… what’s going on there?”

Sev shrugged as he took a sip of this butterbeer. “She loves him, he hates her. Hates everything. But somehow she keeps sticking around, probably because she thinks a boy needs his dad.” He said the last thing with utmost contempt, hating his body and gender utterly.

Severus knew he was going to turn into his father and hate everything. The world was unfair, the Marauders could bully anyone and be seen as the roguish heroes, and anyone Slytherin was evil by default.

As if Lily understood what was going through his mind, she clasped his hand in hers.

“You won’t become him. I see the real you; and it’s nothing like your father.”

Sev scoffed at that, finishing his butterbeer in one long gulp.

“You can’t see the real me; nobody can.” He began to sweep his way out into the chilly air, bumping into Archie with a bag full of candy.

“Hey Sev, I thought we were meeting for a-” Archie asked as Severus slammed the door open on his way out. He looked over and saw a concerned look on Lily’s face.

Grabbing his own pint from the bar, Archie joined Lily at the table while she seemed to hold back tears.

“He being a git to you?”

Lily shook her head. “No, he just… doesn’t see what I see in him.”

He frowned at that. “What’s going on here? I know you two have been friends since before Hogwarts. You apparently know his darkest secrets too.”

She looked to the Hufflepuff in confusion. “What? I don’t know what…” she trailed off, scouring her memory for what on earth that could mean.

“That’s what he said at least,” Archie mumbled, sipping his Butterbeer, “so when are you going to ask him for tea at Madame Puddifoot’s?”

Lily choked on her own drink at that. “What? I…”

“Severus is never going to ask you out because he values your friendship and has seen exactly zero healthy relationships around him. He’d rather be your friend than see you two turn out like his parents.”

Lily’s eyes looked around, trying to piece something together in her mind. “But, that… what makes you think we like each other?”

“We brewed Amortentia and each of us took notes on how it smelled like. You two were too focused on the potion itself to realize that you described each other’s scents.”

“What? That can’t be… Sev smelled me?” Lily finished her butterbeer in a gulp, slammed it down on the table, and scrambled out of the Three Broomsticks.

“...you’re both welcome!” Archie called out after her, nursing his drink as he wondered if they would have ever figured it out.

* * *

Severus was perusing the witch’s section of gladrags, his mind reeling with Lily’s words.

_I see the real you._

There was no way she could see the real Severus, when even he couldn’t see it in the mirror. He? Severus hated his name, his pronouns, everything that Tobias had given him.

Severus wanted to be seen as and referred to as a witch. The feminine form of Severus would be Severa, which was probably why he… no, she… was okay being called Sev by her friends.

She even hated her muggle last name, ‘Snape’. She’d need a name that was known in the magical community, and liked his mother’s maiden name. Sev liked Severa Prince if she could start her life over, perhaps with a Mastery in Potions and an exclusive apothecary that would be the envy of the world.

“Excuse me, young sir? Are you needing help today?” The shopwitch asked helpfully.

Sev stuttered at that, thinking quickly. “I um… wanted to get a gift for my girlfriend.”

She smiled instantly at that. “And you thought to get her robes? That’s so sweet!” She turns towards the racks, pointing her wand. “So what size is she?”

“She’s roughly my size actually, one night over holiday she stayed over and wore my boxer shorts.” He lied easily, wondering if he could keep up the ruse.

She hesitated briefly at that, took a look at him, and nodded. “If you’re shopping for yourself, I don’t care. It’s your Galleons.”

Severus narrowed his eyes as he contemplated a major decision. Should she out herself this way?

“What’s her name?” She asked flippantly, a coy smile at the corner of her mouth.

He was already to say ‘Lily’, but didn’t want this to get back to her. Besides, they weren’t dating. And he’d be embarrassed if the Marauders found out and told the entire school.

“Eileen. She goes to Durmstrang.”

The shop witch sighed and lead him towards the back room. “Let’s get you in the department that you really want to be in.” Sev followed her past the curtain to see lacy brassiere and panty sets in various colors and styles as his pulse raced in shock.

“Lots of men like wearing this stuff for their own excitement. Like I said, your galleons spend just as easily here.”

The bell at the front of the store jingled, making the shop witch excuse herself to deal with the new customer.

Severus looked around, knowing that he was excited, but not for the same reasons that other men would. It wasn’t arousing as much as it felt more like home to her.

An awkward, strange home that she’d been conditioned to avoid. Sev’s fingertips traced over the lace and silk, finding things he wanted to wear in black and green.

* * *

Lily Evans poked her head into the empty shop, having no luck on finding her friend Severus at the bookshop or the potions supply shop.

“Hello and welcome to Gladrags, may I-”

Lily shook her head. “Just looking for a friend. Sorry.”

The Gryffindor huffed in frustration; she had been developing feelings for her friend but there was a detail niggling in the back of her mind that she couldn’t point out.

He never said anything, nor did he flirt with her like the other boys would. But Sev wouldn’t be the kind of boy to do something outrageous to impress a girl. He would just be himself, and if that were enough to impress her, then that was good.

_But he’s not being himself._

Lily recalled how much Sev seemed to want to start a new life, to not be Severus. And she didn’t know how to tell him that she liked him just the way he was… if only he could accept himself.

The only other place that she could think of was the Shrieking Shack, a place known to be haunted for the irregular noises heard on a monthly basis. It was thought to be some sort of rumor until even the Prefects were admitting that they could hear strange howling coming from the shack when they had an evening off with the faculty as an end of term reward for helping with late night patrols.

As Lily trudged down the trail covered in leaves the same color as her hair, she took no notice of the two large Slytherins looking for someone to annoy.

“Oi! Mudblood Evans!”

She spun around, wand out and pulse racing as she faced off with Avery and McNair.

“My name’s Lily, not ‘Mudblood’.”

“Yer just a Gryffindor Mudblood to me.” McNair sneered, looking over her body with a strange appraising look. “With some nice tits.”

Avery cackled in agreement. “Just a muddy nobody; we know you’re Evans because of our Half-Blood Prince.”

She wrinkled her nose at that? “You have a Prince?”

Avery guffawed at that. “You’re protected because Severus has a _soft spot_ for you. Soon as that Half-Blood wakes up and sees you for the dirt that you really are… we’re going to enjoy you.”

The way McNair breathed through parted lips unnerved her.

Avery flicked his wand down the path, dismissing her. “Run along, and keep your _filth_ away from the Half-Blood Prince. We don’t want you popping out quarter-bloods to dilute our birthright magic any more.”

McNair nodded, looking at Lily with utter disgust. “Araminta Black was right… we ought to be sterilizing mudbloods.”

Lily’s blood ran cold as she left the pair of Slytherin bullies, certain that they would have joined up with Grindelwald’s cause had they been a bit older.

* * *

It felt awkward at first, but after a week it actually felt right. Sev’s usually baggy robes easily hid the fact that she was wearing a bra under her male Hogwarts Uniform, and it would be enough for now.

Sev thought back to the first time she put on her mother’s Hogwarts uniform , and then did it again for Lily. It never felt sexy or arousing as the shop witch must have imagined it would have been for him, it was just… right.

Lily and Archie kept exchanging strange glances as they studied or brewed potions together for Slughorn, and Severus was busy reading up on and teaching himself legilimency so that maybe she could figure out whatever the big secret the two of them were having.

Sev knew she could just ask, but why wouldn’t a Slytherin at least try to steal a secret rather than just ask?

The three of them were in the library after dinner when Lily made a not-so-casual jerk of her head and Archie made a poor excuse to go find another tome on the history of Goblin Rebellions.

“Severus, can we talk?”

She flinched internally at the name. “Can it wait? A two foot scroll on the history of the Goblin Rebellions won’t write itself… as much as we may try to do just that.”

“Well, no. You see, I need to make an appointment-”

Sev lifted her head suddenly at that. “Appointment? St. Mungo’s? Are you ill?”

Lily’s laugh was a salve to Sev’s nerves. “No, I just… the last Hogsmeade weekend before Christmas is coming, and I wanted to know if you would want to uh… go to Madame Puddifoot’s with me.”

In their previous year, the pair of them had laughed at the outlandish display of hearts and cupids the shop did for the Valentine’s Day weekend, and they promised to never be that besotted with someone that they would stand to do something so gauche.

“Yeah, I guess…” Sev realized that most people go there as a date, and that she’s probably asking for ‘him’ to go as her date.

Lily’s eyes brightened at that as her face split into a grin. “Yeah, that’s, okay. Thank you, Severus.”

Sev forced an awkward smile back. “Can you not call me Severus? Just… Sev?”

Lily’s smile faltered, eliciting a silent gasp from the Slytherin. She never wanted to be the source of making Lily unhappy, but… someday Sev would have to fully explain this. She would leave Hogwarts and ‘regenerate’ into Severa Prince.

“Yeah, of course Sev. So… it’s a date?”

Sev gulped at that. Lily said date, as in romantic. As in when a boy and girl likes each other.

Sev put on a smile as he nodded at her. “Sure.”

* * *

Sev dug through his trunk, panicking as she couldn’t seem to find any decent robes to wear for a date at Madame Puddifoot’s. She didn’t realize the mess she had made ransacking the shared room until a distinct clearing of the throat grabbed her attention.

“Hey, Prince…” she said, eyebrow arched in near disgust. “Have you seen Lucius?”

Sev looked over to see the gorgeous and elegant Narcissa Black at the doorway, looking attractively disinterested. It was a polished purebred look that was mirrored by the greasy-haired cross-dressing half blood before her.

“His room is further down, on the left.”

She began to turn away but something stopped the Black. “Looking for a specific outfit?”

“An appropriate one. Something to impress-” Sev cut herself off, refusing to mention Lily’s name in the Dungeons. “-a witch.”

Narcissa shrugged in a way that meant everything and nothing. “As long as you aren’t playing hide the wand with Stebbins, I think Luce will help you out.”

Sev nodded her thanks, wishing she could wear something slinky yet classy as Cissy did rather than the bold colors and power-cravat that was Lucius’ signature fashion.

* * *

“So we’re here for tea and biscuits.” Sev dead-panned as a massive Yule Tree was lit with actual faeries as decorations, and the ceiling was bewitched to look like it was snowing inside. The dance floor had been converted into an ice rink, while a cheerful wizard sang carols while playing an ancient looking pipe organ.

“It’s… nice.” Lily said, biting her lip to refrain laughing. She exchanged a look with Sev and they both burst out in laughter at the same time. The hostess directed the pair of them to a cozy table near the ice rink as Sev realized that none of the tables were set up to hold more than 2 people.

“Today’s specials include a gingerbread latte along with a gingerbread and peppermint house, tomato basil bisque, and duck confit. I highly recommend it.”

Lily shrugged and agreed, so Sev went ahead and ordered the meal.

“Thanks for asking me out, Lily.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to do something nice.”

Sev nodded at that, feeling awkward in the moment.

“Sev, are you allergic to the dress robes you’re wearing?”

Sev was indeed feeling a skin-crawling sensation, but it was less about the fabric and more about what it represented.

“Just… uncomfortable playing the part of the bloke wooing a girl at a place like this.”

“Have you thought that maybe I’m the one wooing you?”

Sev flinched at that, and found her hand clutched in Lily’s before she could pull away.

“Sev, what’s wrong?”

“...all of this. This isn’t us.” The waitress returned with the gingerbread latte with two straws and the gingerbread house as an appetizer. They were supposed to take the house apart and dip it into the latte as little peppermint stick figures ran around the home and dove into a shallow pool of eggnog.

“Why isn’t it us? You fancy me, right?”

Sev shrugged at that. “Between you and Archie, yes. You also happen to be my best friend.”

Lily took a long breath, pulling up a peppermint stick figure and snapping it in half between her teeth. “And you happen to be mine.”

Severus nodded, pulling off another part of the gingerbread roof and dipping it into the egg nog.

“What you see here before you, this fancy boy in fancy wizard dress robes… I hate it.”

“Okay. I don’t care about what you wear, Sev. I like you for you.”

The Slytherin sighed at that. “You would say that.”

The second course was already there, and thankfully the soup was served in separate bowls.

“I promise that you’re not turning into your father, and that I see something wholesome and pure inside you just yearning to come out.”

Sev knew exactly what it was, and did her best to hold it back. Lily wouldn’t understand, and then she wouldn’t want her. They changed the subject and had an otherwise wonderful lunch, and even decided to split the cheque as Lily was a ‘modern, liberated witch’ that nearly made Sev spew eggnog out her nose.

As the pair stood from the table to leave, their feet became rooted to the ground to the point where Sev almost fell over due to the shift of momentum.

The waitress returned, gasping and pointing to the mistletoe above them. She gave a mischievous grin as she explained what happened.

“Yule tradition: the mistletoe will trap two young lovers beneath her until they kiss.”

Sev looked murderous as Lily laughed it off.

“Sev and I aren’t-”

“I will blast a hole in your ceiling in order to break this curse.”

Lily found herself able to take a step towards Severus. “Kissing you under the mistletoe isn’t a curse, Sev.”

The waitress chuckled as she walked away, leaving the pair of them standing way too close to each other for comfort.

“How were you able to move?”

“I moved with the intent of coming to kiss you.”

“I have the intent to not succumbing to the demands of an enchanted leaf.”

A firm slap stung Sev’s cheek.

“Am I simply _dirt_ to you, Severus? An impure muggle-born?”

Sev scoffed at that. “Not at all, Lily-”

“-then why are you acting like kissing me is a fate worse than death?”

“It’s not!” Sev replied hastily. It’s that she wouldn’t be able to stop that scares her. Not to mention that Lily fancies a man, not Severa.

“Then prove it!” Lily demanded, making Sev’s defenses collapse as she leaned in, cupping a hand around the back of Lily’s neck as their lips gently touched for the first time.

She was soft, so tender and soft… it robbed Sev of her breath as she pulled away and gasped at the sensation. Her fingers trailed across her lips before she smiled back at him.

“Wow, that was nothing like I expected.”

Sev’s stomach knotted up.

“Good or bad?”

“Just… different.” Sev shuffled her feet as she began to leave, Lily’s hand halting her. “I liked it, I really did… that was just unlike the guys I kissed before.”

Sev didn’t know how to respond to that as they made their way out of the cafe.

“Well, I’m not like most other guys, okay?” As the Slytherin went through the doorway, her robes began to billow behind her like a trail of recrimination and regret.

Lily, however, wasn’t having it. “That’s what I don’t get, Sev! Part of me was feeling jealous about you and Archie always hanging out until he pointed out we smelled each other with the Amortentia!”

That stopped Sev cold in her tracks. “What?” She couldn’t turn around and face Lily now; not look her in the eyes and hear that the Gryffindor had fallen in love with Severus Snape, a mask that she’s been having to wear since birth.

“I smelled you, Severus Tobias Snape!”

Sev chortled at that. “Then you should run. I’m a bloody monster.” Sev stormed away, making her robes billow behind her as she made her way back to Hogwarts, hoping Lily would understand and let this go.

“Sev!” Lily called out, wondering if she should chase after her friend or not.

“Leave our Half-Blood Prince alone, muddy.” A voice called out like a siren for the Knights of Walpurgis to converge.

“Malfoy, I…” Lily gulped as she saw Mulciber, Avery, McNair, and Bellatrix Black start to encircle her. “Let me pass in peace.”

“My Cissy helped the Half-Blood dress nice for the likes of you?” Bella sneered in disgust. “I know he’s ugly and low-born, but he could do better than a Mudblood.”

Mulciber and McNair jeered at that.

“At least he’s not playing arse-bandit like Potter and Lupin.” Avery looked to Bellatrix. “How’s your blood-traitor cousin, Sirius?”

Bellatrix turned her wand towards him. “Do you really need both of your bollocks, or can I hex one of them off?”

Lily was surrounded at this point and the Slytherins were too busy bickering with each other that she was surprised by the voice in her ear.

“Stay behind me.” It was Sev’s voice, and she instantly put her hand on Snape’s back as the disillusionment charm broke and Sev had a defensive stance up.

Lily’s fingers noticed an odd strap and buckle under the fabric and wondered what it could be as Sev faced off the rest of the Slytherins.

“She. Is. Protected.” Sev’s voice was dark and threatening.

“Prince, my boy, you may only be a Half-Blood, but you’re _our half-blood prince_. Now don’t make any mistakes and accidentally _breed with the cattle_.” Lucius warned.

Mulciber laughed at that. “That’s why I never fuck ‘em in the quim!”

Lucius sighed, rolling his eyes. “Yes, we know you prefer sodomy, Mulciber. As we outnumber this filth four to one-”

“FIVE!” Bella screamed, refusing to be left out.

Lucius nodded to Bella impatiently. “Yes, five, Bellatrix. We will simply have to _make_ more holes in her to violate-”

“Lucius?! Where did they go??” McNair asked as the disillusioned pair quietly walked away from the Knights of Walpurgis.

* * *

Lily was shaking with fury when they were back at Hogwarts and the disillusionment spell was broken.

“That… they were… that’s not regular bullying!”

Sev frowned in disgust at that. “I know. James might almost nearly kill someone every week with a new prank, but-”

“IT’S NOT UP FOR COMPARISON!” Lily shrieked. “They are _monsters_ , Severus. **EVIL.** ”

“They are also my only friends outside of you and Archie. I told you to run. Told you I’m a monster.” Sev walked away from her, vowing to stay in the castle and not spend the holiday break with her.

Severus quit brewing with Lily, often staying up late by herself in order to also avoid Archie’s questions about what happened at Puddifoot’s. Lucius and the Knights of Walpurgis apparently noticed and began to treat the half-blood with more respect as she invented and shared the Levicorpus spell with them.

* * *

Over the Christmas break, Sev stayed with the Malfoys and began to like the gender neutral nickname “Half Blood Prince”, to the point where she would write it on the inside of her book covers.

The business went well enough to the point that an esteemed benefactor was willing to anonymously pay to have Sev apprentice and obtain a Potions Mastery with Potions Master Silverthorn.

During the spring term, Sev couldn’t help but notice Lily becoming more popular among the Gryffindors, and that James Potter was drooling over her like a piece of meat.

He shrugged off the feelings of betrayal and loneliness, knowing that she would have a better life among her kind and that Sev could have a better life once she could start over as herself.


	5. Year Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the part that has Snape's Worst Memory. Too much of it is lifted directly from the source material that I cannot simply italicize it all. 
> 
> You'll see how I weave it in.

The full moon.

Every time Lupin had a strange excuse to be gone from Hogwarts for three days, it was centered around the full moon. It hit her as she was gathering fluxweed that the Marauders had been strangely quiet and Sev checked back in her notes to confirm it.

The only thing that could explain monthly absences is lycanthropy.

She knew that the Headmaster must have known that Remus Lupin is a werewolf, and had been concocting excuses every month to explain his absence. It made sense, as James Potter had already gotten away with attempted murder, so why wouldn’t Dumbledore be okay with risking more students with a werewolf every month?

But there was no concrete proof yet; and if Sev could at least get one of the blasted Marauders expelled from Hogwarts, then that’s one less danger threatening the school.

The Knights of Walpurgis were infamous now for being the only students willing to stand up against the bullying Marauders, though they only protected half bloods and above.

This naturally made the Marauders begin to exclusively protect the muggle-born students from skirmishes in the hallways, and there was a de-facto cold war going on between the two camps.

For every rumor that called out the Knights as being pureblood supremacists, there was another that reminded everyone that the Marauders were the bullies who started it all and nearly killed Sev for a laugh.

There was no room for compassion or understanding between the two factions, both thought that the other was irredeemably evil and should be eradicated from the school and banished from the wizarding world altogether.

It was after a potions class that had Sev and Lily talking with Professor Slughorn that ignited an argument. They were being asked to come to the next Slug Club meeting, but Lily utterly refused because she couldn’t be seen ‘climbing into a den of vipers’.

Horace Slughorn was offended and nearly took points from Gryffindor, but decided to not confirm Lily’s accusation that Slytherins were petty and vindictive.

Sev agreed to attend, and Horace mentioned that he had heard a rumor that Potions Master Silverthorn might be looking for an apprentice with a conspiratorial wink. The young Slytherin did her best to say nothing to confirm the rumor before leaving the classroom, wanting to ask Lily about her comment about Slytherins.

“Lily, wait up.”

“No.” She said, hurrying her way up to the ground floor and passing up the Great Hall.

“I want to talk.”

“We apparently have nothing to talk about, Severus!”

She flinched at the name, remembering the last time she used it she was declaring her feelings for the mask she wore.

“You just called me part of a... den of vipers!”

“YES I DID!”

“You know I’m _nothing_ like those guys!”

“It’s hard to tell the difference anymore.” Lily muttered as she crossed the castle courtyard. “I used to fancy you, then you told me to go away and you began to pal around with Malfoy and the like!”

“I thought we were supposed to be friends?” Sev asked, “Best friends?”

Lily stopped and faced Sev, resignedly.

“We are, Sev, but I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! I’m sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy! D’you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?”

Lily had reached a pillar and leaned against it, looking up into the thin, sallow face.

“That was nothing,” said Sev. “It was a laugh, that’s all – ”

“It was Dark Magic, and if you think that’s funny – ”

“What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?” Retorted Sev. Her color rose again as she said it, unable to hold in her resentment that nearly killed her before.

“What’s Potter got to do with anything?” said Lily.

“They sneak out at night. There’s something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?”

“He’s ill,” said Lily. “They say he’s ill – ”

“Every month at the full moon?” Sev asked, goading her to understand.

“I know your theory,” said Lily, and she sounded cold. “Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they’re doing at night?”

Sev realized that Lily was becoming convinced that every Marauder and Gryffindor was unflinchingly good, and Slytherin inherently and inescapably Evil.

“I’m just trying to show you they’re not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are.” The intensity of Sev’s gaze made Lily blush, causing emotions long left buried to stir.

The Gryffindor pressed her lips thin in anger.

“They don’t use Dark Magic, though.”

Sev knew that some of the Knights of Walpurgis used Dark Magic, but she wasn’t a part of them. She never used Dark Magic, and even fancied being a Professor at Hogwarts to teach Defense against the Dark Arts as they seem to be unable to keep a teacher for more than a year.

Sev would obviously teach Potions, but Professor Slughorn wasn’t about to retire any time soon.

“I didn’t mean – I just don’t want to see you made a fool of – He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!” The words seemed wrenched from her against her will.

Sev still cared for Lily, and even if she couldn’t be her true self and then let Lily decide if their feelings are real… Lily could do a lot better than one of the Marauders.

“And he’s not… everyone thinks… big Quidditch hero – ” Sev’s bitterness and dislike were rendering her incoherent, and Lily’s eyebrows were traveling farther and farther up her forehead.

Sev missed the realization dawning on Lily, that the Slytherin was jealous and still fancied her, despite everything that happened.

“I know James Potter’s an arrogant toerag,” she said, cutting across Sev.

Sev looked at her in confusion, not realizing that they actually agreed on that.

“I don’t need you to tell me that. But Mulciber’s and Avery’s idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don’t understand how you can be friends with them.”

Sev looked at his life-long friend with regret.

“Because they are the only ones who have stuck around.”

Lily fumed at that. “You as good as sent me away, said that you’re a monster!” Tears rolled down her cheek as she wiped them away in anger. “YOU wrecked this!”

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t contact me for months, Severus! What’s this big secret that I apparently know about you? Is that what’s going on?”

Sev shook her head, unwilling to reveal that secret. Her gender identity was her greatest secret, her biggest weakness, and the framework for the best Occlumency shield that could exist - a completely different persona built in her mind that would be ignored while the memories of Severus Tobias Snape were laid bare and could be carefully curated and worn like a mask.

Severa Prince was the true secret. Who loved Lily more than her own body and soul.

Lily’s eyes were now red with tears. “What are you keeping from me??”

* * *

“I’m bored,” said Sirius, “Wish it was full moon.”

“You might,” said Lupin darkly from behind his book. “We’ve still got Transfiguration, if you’re bored you could test me. . . . Here.” He held out his book.

Sirius snorted.

“I don’t need to look at that rubbish, I know it all.”

“This’ll liven you up, Padfoot,” said James quietly. “Look who it is. . . .”

Sirius’s head turned. He had become very still, like a dog that has scented a rabbit.

“Excellent,” he said softly. “Snivellus.”

Snape was on her feet, stowing the O.W.L. paper in her bag. As she emerged from the shadows of the bushes and set off across the grass, Sirius and James stood up.

Lupin and Wormtail remained sitting: Lupin was still staring down at his book, though his eyes were not moving and a faint frown line had appeared between his eyebrows. Wormtail was looking from Sirius and James to Snape with a look of avid anticipation on his face.

“All right, Snivellus?” said James loudly.

Snape reacted so fast it was as though she had been expecting the attack: Dropping her bag, she plunged her hand inside her robes, wand halfway into the air when James shouted, “Expelliarmus!” Snape’s wand flew twelve feet into the air and fell with a little thud in the grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

Sev was ambushed and outnumbered, and the Knights of Walpurgis were nowhere to be seen.

“Impedimenta!” he said, pointing his wand at Snape, who was knocked off her feet, halfway through a dive toward her own fallen wand. Students all around had turned to watch eagerly, placing wagers as this was a form of entertainment for them.

Sev realized the similarities between Muggle-Baiting and Snape-Baiting, and knew that while one got you sent to Azkaban, the other would get you a Prefect Badge.

Some of them had gotten to their feet and were edging nearer to watch. Some looked apprehensive, others entertained. Snape lay panting on the ground, as the spellwork had knocked the air out of her and they could easily suffocate her with a barrage of spells without meaning to.

James and Sirius advanced on Sev, wands up, James glancing over his shoulder at the girls at the water’s edge as he went. Wormtail was on his feet now, watching hungrily, edging around Lupin to get a clearer view.

“How’d the exam go, Snivelly?” said James.

“I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,” said Sirius viciously. “There’ll be great grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word.”

Several people watching laughed as the Slytherin was clearly unpopular. Wormtail sniggered shrilly. Sev tried to get up, but the jinx was still active; she was struggling, as though bound by invisible ropes.

“You — wait,” she panted, staring up at James with an expression of purest loathing. “You — wait...” Sev needed at least one ally to come help, so she could have her wand and defend herself. Just. One. Knight.

“Wait for what?” said Sirius coolly. “What’re you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?”

Snape let out a stream of mixed swearwords and hexes, but nothing happened as her wand was ten feet away.

“Wash out your mouth,” said James coldly. “Scourgify!” Pink soap bubbles streamed from Sev’s mouth at once; the froth was covering her lips, making her gag, choking her of air —

“Leave him ALONE!” James and Sirius looked around. James’s free hand jumped to his hair again. Sev thanked Salazar’s Snake as air came back into her lungs and color returned to her vision.

The damned Marauders nearly killed her. Again.

“All right, Evans?” said James, and the tone of his voice was suddenly pleasant, deeper, more mature. Sev grimaced at this, wishing that her rescuer had been anyone but the witch she tried to not love.

“Leave him alone,” Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. “What’s he done to you?” Every use of the male pronouns was like a dagger to her heart.

“Well,” said James, appearing to deliberate the point, “it’s more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..” Sev fumed as the surrounding watchers laughed at that level of blatant hate, including Sirius and Wormtail.

Lupin kept his eyes in his book for plausible deniability as a Gryffindor Prefect, while Lily was obviously not laughing at the joke.

“You think you’re funny,” she said coldly. “But you’re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.”

Sev was mildly reassured by Lily calling Potter out for being the bully that he’s been since first year.

“I will if you go out with me, Evans,” said James quickly. “Go on... Go out with me, and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.”

Sev was furious that James Potter would resort to extortion of her best friend’s safety to merely get a date. She felt the Impediment Jinx wearing off and was beginning to inch toward her fallen wand, spitting out soapsuds as she crawled.

“I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” said Lily.

“Bad luck, Prongs,” said Sirius briskly, turning back to Snape. “OY!”

That was all the time she needed; Sev directed her wand straight at James; unleashing her Sectumsempra curse to create a cursed gash across James’ face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, her robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants.

Sev went from furious to frightened, worried that somehow everyone would find out that she’s wearing lacy panties beneath her boy clothes, and it would ruin her life forever.

The small crowd that had gathered and watched this duel began to cheer. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter. Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile, said, “Let him down!”

“Certainly,” said James and he jerked his wand upward. Sev fell into a crumpled heap on the ground, pain throbbing as she felt warm blood trailing down her face. Disentangling herself from her robes, she got quickly to her feet, wand up, ready to duel with a concussion and the bleeding head wound until she passed out... but Sirius said, “Petrificus Totalus!” and Sev keeled over again at once, rigid as a board.

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.

Sev couldn’t move, and watched the blood pool out of her head and in front of her eyes. She knew that head wounds bled easily, so she tried her best to hold back the growing panic that this was the duel that would finally end her miserable life.

All while James Potter flirts with the only woman she’s ever loved.

“Ah, Evans, don’t make me hex you,” said James earnestly.

“Take the curse off him, then!” James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the countercurse.

“There you go,” he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, “you’re lucky Evans was here, Snivellus —”

Rage poured through her, wishing that the Knights of Walpurgis were here to defend her against the reckless gang that had nearly killed her before and was trying to yet again.

“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!”

Lily blinked. “Fine,” she said coolly. “I won’t bother in future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.”

It felt like the ground fell out from under the Slytherin as she realized she had done the unforgivable.

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at Sev.

“I don’t want you to make him apologize,” Lily shouted, rounding on James. She wanted to apologize right then, but Sev couldn’t find the words in the middle of a duel while she was becoming light-headed...

“You’re as bad as he is. . . .”

“What?” yelped James. “I’d NEVER call you a — you-know-what!”

“Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you’ve just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can — I’m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.” Lily turned on her heel and hurried away.

“Evans!” James shouted after her, “Hey, EVANS!”

But she didn’t look back.

Sev realized that Lily was finally walking away from their friendship. Finally done with Severus Tobias Snape.

“What is it with her?” said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throwaway question of no real importance to him.

Sev couldn’t get her bearings as her pulse felt thready and her vision blurred, the blood loss becoming significant as she started to feel cold and would soon lose consciousness.

“Reading between the lines, I’d say she thinks you’re a bit conceited, mate,” said Sirius.

Sev needed help, and Lily was finally gone. The only rescue that would come now would be if a Knight of Walpurgis randomly came by.

“Right,” said James, who looked furious now, “right —”

There was another flash of light, and Snape was once again hanging upside down in the air. “Who wants to see me take off Snivelly’s pants?”

Sev felt the spell rip away the artifice of Severus’ male pants, exposing Severa’s true self in the form of silver panties with matching bra beneath the male uniform.

She heard laughter as her world turned black.

* * *

 

Sev woke up in the Hospital wing, groggy with Headmaster Dumbledore, Assistant Headmistress McGonagall, and Professor Slughorn. Auror Moody was there as well, along with a Ministry representative who was taking notes.

“This is a formal inquiry about the assault that happened two days ago just after the O.W.L. examinations. Madame Pomfrey alerted the Ministry that, had you not been found any sooner, that you would have died due to exposure and exsanguination.”

Sev tried to speak, only to find her jaw was in significant pain.

Madame Pomfrey came to the hospital bed, shoving the Auror aside.

“The poor boy can barely talk, the bruises he suffered… among everything else… is just horrible.”

Slughorn’s face was contorted in fury. “This has gone too far, Headmaster! Snape would be dead because of those bloody Marauders’ getting away with assault just because of anti-slytherin prejudice!”

Headmaster Dumbledore raised his hand at that. “Alleged assault, as there are no witnesses coming forward at this time.”

“It’s pretty convenient that nobody seems to remember what happened to my student here! Shall we have Poppy enter into evidence every single injury Severus sustained out there?!” Slughorn fumed. It was unusual for Sev to ever see her Head of House so upset.

Minerva frowned at that. “I don’t think there’s any need for…” Her eyes were red and tracked with tears. “None of them are of age, and we wouldn’t want to ruin their lives and careers over a mistake…”

“Severus was found stripped of his clothing, forced into women’s undergarments, and VIOLATED all while bleeding and unconscious! I REFUSE to believe that turning a blind eye to this will HELP anything, Minerva!”

Sev coughed at that, eyes darting to the various teachers.

It was Albus who ended the squabbling. “As far as we can tell, this was a prank that went too far and injured Severus. Someone decided to strip him naked and force women’s clothing on him to add insult, but there is no way we prove that anything worse happened.”

Even though it hurt for Sev, she forced her jaw open enough to speak.

“Nobody... has mentioned a word… at all?”

Sev knew that there had to be rumors. Whispers. Students might not come out and say it, but with every deflected glance and hidden stare at her, they would be thinking about what happened.

The Headmaster shook his head sadly. “It is almost as if mass amnesia hit the entire area for the hour after the O.W.L. exams.”

The Ministry official glared daggers at the Professors and Auror Moody. “So I came out here for nothing actionable.” As the official left, the Professors exchanged looks and gave a collective sigh of relief as Professor Slughorn and Madame Pomfrey still looked like they wanted to hex someone.

Sev understood that the Headmaster had swept it under the rug; something that was made clear in the Slytherin Common Room and became a rallying cry for every last Slytherin to work with the Knights of Walpurgis.

Never before did it feel like the whole school was against Slytherin until ‘The Incident Nobody Remembers’.

There were even whispers of a Knights of Walpurgis Alumni group calling themselves the Death Eaters, set on righting the Wizarding World through working with a Wizard so powerful he simply goes by the name “You-Know-Who”.

* * *

It would be a week before Sev was let out of the Hospital Wing, and the Knights of Walpurgis now had a dedicated guard with Sev at all times. Slytherins wouldn’t travel down a corridor unless there were at least four of them, and while the hallway skirmishes went down to zero, the tension was at an all time high.

The only good news in Sev’s life was an owl that she got from Master Silverthorn, who had been impressed with Sev’s O.W.L. scores and wanted to begin apprenticeship over the summer break. Sev naturally agreed to it immediately, and received a generous stipend from Abraxas Malfoy in order to be prepared for the summer.

A fortnight would pass before Sev could give his guard the slip and she made her way up to the Gryffindor Tower. She was in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, standing there in her nightgown and with her arms crossed defensively.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not interested.” Lily clipped angrily.

“I’m sorry!” Sev reiterated, hoping she could hear the earnestness in her voice.

“Save your breath.” Lily snapped, unwilling to relent.

Sev took a deep breath, trying to find the words to make everything better. She debated coming out right there, but the Fat Lady would undoubtedly tell the entire school.

Something horrific had happened to Sev and she didn’t know exactly what happened.

“I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.”

Sev recalled saying as much when Mary McDonald had opened the portrait hole after she had knocked profusely for three minutes.

“I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just – ”

Sev was cut off instantly by her now former best friend.

“Slipped out?” There was no pity in Lily’s voice. “It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years. _None of my friends_ can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?”

Sev had no response to that; she had made no tacit agreement to join the Death Eaters, but they were the only ones willing to protect her from the Marauders and other copycat gangs looking to make a mark by ambushing any isolated Slytherins that they could find.

“I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.”

Sev panicked at that; she hadn’t chosen any path except the one that she and Lily had worked at for years.

“No – listen, I didn’t mean – ”

“ – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, _Severus_. Why should I be any different?”

Sev had _never_ called anyone Mudblood until ‘The Incident’, but it didn’t matter anymore. According to Lily, Severus Snape was as evil as every other Slytherin out there.

Lily shot a contemptuous look to Sev before turning her back and climbing through the portrait hole.

It the silent, night air, Severa finally said her secret.

“I’m a witch. In love with you.”


	6. Year Six

The summer with Master Silverthorn was as different as could be to Sev’s experiences with Professor Slughorn. Rather than being the glorified potions ingredient prepper, James Silverthorn engaged Sev’s mind to help invent new potions as she had done with Lily before.

“Targeting the female reproductive organs with a healing base while using abortifacients… what will you think of next?”

Sev shrugged. “A Draught of Living Death to let Werewolves sleep off the full moon?”

Silverthorn laughed heartily at that, knowing that the constitution of werewolves against potions were as strong as Giant’s blood being able to repel magic.

“Sev, you’re insane, but… did you say Draught of Living Death?”

The young Slytherin nodded. “To the average Wizard, the Draught will knock them comatose for months, maybe years if brewed at maximum potency.”

“You would have to make it lethal for humans to even have an effect on a lycanthrope. It would be-”

“The Wolf’s Bane.” Sev’s eyes widened as the thought hit home and she tore into her textbook on herbs. “Delphinieae… _Aconitum_ … _Lycoctonum”_

“Aconite? You know that’s lethal even to touch with your bare hands!” James Silverthorn gasped in surprise.

“That’s why Salazar invented gloves, Master Silverthorn.” Sev retorted, writing up notes on a new potion she was about to invent.

“Merlin’s Beard, this is why I love Slytherins! The sheer ego and ambition!”

By the end of the summer, the Ministry of Magic was authorizing the testing of the potions through their Department of the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures, as soon as any werewolves came forward to volunteer.

* * *

As the Sixth Year started, Sev found herself stuck in a cabin full of Slytherins as Lily refused to even meet her gaze at Kings Cross, while Archie seemed to be hitting it off with a Seventh Year Ravenclaw.

The Marauders were, as always, picking on an isolated student when James wasn’t tossing around a stolen snitch or mussing up his hair to look like he just got off of a broom. Whereas before the other students would gather around and watch the four Gryffindors pick on someone for laughs, now they would be ignored with a knowing eye-roll.

Avery had pointed it out as the Slytherins got settled in. 

“Those bloody mudblood-loving Gryffindors are picking on the firsties before they’re even sorted.”

“Nobody is even laughing at James’ jokes anymore, notice that?”

“And Dumbledore keeps playing favorites, turning a blind eye or handing out meager detentions for the excessive cruelty those Gryffindors lash out at us Slytherins. It’s like he wants them to drive us all out of Hogwarts!”

“Well, the laugh will be on them, considering where we’ll be after Hogwarts…” Rowle chuckled, tapping knowingly on his left forearm, “Don’t worry, Sev, I hear you’re impressing all the right people to join up as well.”

Sev nodded, keeping her face as neutral as possible. She wasn’t certain if she wanted to join, but it might have been part of the implied cost to her Potions Mastery. She knew Slytherins wouldn’t do something so expensive purely out of a selfless urge to help a fellow Serpent, and Abraxas Malfoy was definitely the type of man to call in debts when needed.

But it wasn’t like there was a compelling reason for her to stand against You-Know-Who, as Sev saw firsthand the cruelty that came from muggles like Tobias Snape and Petunia Evans.

* * *

 

The duels in the hallways got worse as new gangs of Gryffindors formed and took on stray Slytherins, often first-years, and it would be six against one. The Slytherin common room buzzed with plans of revenge and classmates teaching each other Dark Spells in exchange for a pledge of protection the next time that the Gryffindors would start trouble.

After the first Hogsmeade Trip, Hufflepuffs who were friendly to Slytherins were also getting targeted. At first the Gryffindor gangs claimed that it was because the Hufflepuffs were ‘staying neutral against evil’ and would find creative ways to misuse innocuous charms and spells to cause significant damage, like vanishing a single step on a staircase or prolonging a cheering charm until their victim’s face was sore and ‘stuck’ in a ridiculous pose.

Sev even noticed that the teachers would shrug it off by pointing out ‘at least it wasn’t Dark Magic’, as if there was a clear delineation between Dark Magic and moral ambiguity.

She had seen a tickling charm in Care of Magical Creatures class leave a student in the Hospital Wing with a concussion due to an angry hippogriff. Most of the Gryffindors in the class laughed while the rest exchanged dark looks, knowing that they were on their own when it comes to being protected in the magical world.

* * *

Sev kept up her correspondence with Silverthorn, her ambition pushing her to be awarded her Potions Mastery by the time she left Hogwarts so she could pay back the debt to the Malfoys and be cleared so she can start her own apothecary.

She was in the Hog’s Head when Archie plopped down beside her and asked what she’s been up to for the past few months.

“I’m working on my Potions Mastery and doing a transfiguration report for McGonagall. We talked about this on Monday.” She looked hat her friend with suspicion.

“Right. Sorry, been having a lot on my mind-”

“-a certain Seventh Year Ravenclaw, no doubt.” She interjected, remembering catching the two wizards snogging behind the Three Broomsticks.

Archie blushed. “Have I been that obvious?”

Sev chuckled at that. “I just know what to look for; hasty concealment charms on your neck, your shirt being mis-buttoned halfway through a Hogsmeade trip, and the glassy-eyed look you have after a tête-à-tête.”

“Yeah, you would notice that.” He waved over Aberforth and had two shots of firewhiskey put in front of them. “C’mon, Sev, drink up.”

Sev looked at the shot warily. “We’re not of age, Archie.”

“Yeah, and neither was that goat of his!”

“Did you blackmail Headmaster Dumbledore’s brother in order to get him to serve us liquor?”

Archie made a pointed look to the shot glass, indicating that he wouldn’t answer until after Sev drank it.

Shrugging, Sev downed the shot, choking on the unfamiliar burn that it created down her throat. 

The two shot glasses magically refilled themselves as Archie gave a thumbs-up to Aberforth.

“You think only Slytherins can think like a Slytherin?” There was a twinkle in his eye as Archie saluted Sev with the second shot.

“What’s your objective, Arch?” Sev asked, looking even more skeptical at the second shot.

“Getting you to write a paper for me.”

Sev scoffed at that in a good-natured way, taking the shot. “Not only are you a bad liar, but I’ll not be in any fit state to write a paper inebriated.”

It was after the 4th shot that Archie asked Sev about the fallout with Lily. The Slytherin hesitated momentarily before giving a version of the truth.

“I called her a Mudblood when the Marauders tormented me.”

“You did? I don’t recall-”

“Nobody seems to recall ‘The Incident’. Except that I called Lily that, and she gave up on being my friend.”

“...but you apologized, right?”

“Profusely. It didn’t matter, though. She was convinced she liked Severus Tobias Snape and I was trying to warn her off that he’s a monster.”

Archie leaned to the right as he raised an eyebrow, trying to see Sev as if for the first time. “You are Severus Tobias Snape though.”

Sev shrugged at that. “For now. This,” she waved at her face, meaning herself, “can all change once I’m out of Hogwarts.”

The Hufflepuff looked at Sev in confusion. “What do you mean, it can all change?”

“Like a…” Sev slurred, “regeneration.” She looked at her friend, shaking her head as she did so. “Nevermind.”

They took two more rounds of shots before leaving the bar, stumbling together behind the building and making their way to the Shrieking Shack.

“You shouldn’t hate yourself, Severus. You’re a good man.” Archie chuckled at that, correcting his own words. “Okay, you’re a decent Slytherin.”

Sev found herself leaning up against a tree before unlocking the door and gesturing Archie to follow her in. “Come on, I need to take a piss.”

Archie held back, scared of the building and the rumors of what haunted it. “Severus, is it safe?”

Sev nodded, shuffling her feet to the lavatory. “Not a full moon, so we’re good.”

The Hufflepuff followed the Slytherin in, locking the door behind him as Sev went to relieve herself with a loud grunt of satisfaction.

“How did you know the Shrieking Shack is safe when it’s not a full moon?”

“Cross-referenced the reports of the howling to when I’m picking potions ingredients.” Sev mumbled as she finished, tucking herself back in and buttoning up her trousers.

“So you think Lupin’s a werewolf in here every month?” Archie asked, looking around the shack. “This doesn’t look sturdy enough to lock up a werewolf.”

Sev took a critical look at Archie. “I never mentioned Lupin.” Her head swam as the look in his face was decidedly not Archie’s.

“I just needed an answer, Sev.”

“An answer to what?” 

“Why you seem different. Why you want to change, yet you hate yourself and mentioned Severus like he’s someone else.”

“I… I don’t want to become who I have to become…” 

“You can change and be whomever you want to be, just like The Doctor.” 

Archie closed the distance between them, swaying slightly, before kissing her full on the lips. Sev wanted to flinch, but between the alcohol and the softness of the lips, there was something oddly familiar as she looked at her friend.

Sev blinked firmly, and rubbed her eyes in hopes that it would clear her mind.

“...Lily?”

“You’re not the only one who can brew potions, you know.”

“Polyjuice.” Sev said, marveling at the details that made Lily into an exact replica of Archie.

“You don’t have to become a Death Eater.”

Sev laughed sadly at that. “That’s neither here nor there, Lils. I… feel like I’m supposed to be a witch.” Sev confessed, shaking her head in shock as she confessed her darkest secret. “That’s why my hair always remained long, no matter how many times my dad would cut it. Why I’m not like other blokes. Why-”

“-you kissed like a girl.” Lily replied, the polyjuice potion beginning to wear off as her signature red hair grew back out and her freckles reappeared, framing green eyes.

Sev nodded, reaching out to her. “Why I didn’t want you loving Severus, when the real me is… someone you haven’t even met. Someone I can’t even see in the mirror.”

“But I do love you.”

“You shouldn’t-”

“It’s my choice to love you if I want. And your choice if you wish to receive it.” Lily closed the distance, taking off Archie’s Hufflepuff tie and shirt as she kept eye contact with the Slytherin.

“Let me prove to you why I love you, the real you.” Her hand slipped between Sev’s thighs, cupping her erection over her clothes.

Sev moaned in pleasure, uncertain if she was being a traitor to her true self or not. She didn’t want the penis, but she also wanked it as a matter of necessity. And, if she were honest with herself, really wanted to know what it would be like with the only women she’s ever loved.

Sev slowly brought her lips back to Lily’s, closing her eyes and nodding her consent as the redhead began to strip off her clothes. Once she had Sev’s shirt unbuttoned and pulled it off, Lily froze as she saw the emerald green brassiere standing out against the pale skin.

“I uh… wasn’t expecting that.”

“Sorry. Maybe we should stop…”

“No, and don’t apologize. By the way, Severus, what should I call you?”

“S-Severa.”

“Severa? You can choose any name in the world for yourself, and you go with that?”

She shrugged. “I think it still fits me.”

Lily nodded. “Okay, I get that.” Lily kissed her again, whimpering softly as their lips parted. “I can’t get enough of this. Your lips just…”

Sev nodded. “Kissing you is like sipping a mild sedative, mixed with fire.” She felt her pulse race and feel alive under the Gryffindor’s touch, and hesitantly began to undress Lily as if it were a dream that was about to end at any moment.

Once the shirt was off, Lily unclasped her white bra and dropped it to the floor, nervously covering up her breasts with one arm.

“I’m uh… kinda new to this, Severa.”

Sev had her pants unbuttoned, thumbs tucked under her panties and it took an act of Gryffindor bravery to pull them down to the ground, feeling equally exposed and nervous as she removed her shoes, socks, and pants all at once.

“Same here, Lils.” Sev held her breath as she took Lily’s hand and gently pulled the arm away from covering up her own body. “We’ll figure this out together.”

Severa undid Lily’s trousers and let her lips trail kisses down her neck as the pants came off as well, leaving the pair of them naked in the Shrieking Shack. Lily’s eyes trailed down to the exceptionally awake appendage between them and bit her lip with desire.

“Um, say something?” Severa muttered nervously.

Lily lowered her hand, gently touching it with her fingers. It instantly twitched at the contact, making the Gryffindor wrap her fingers around it with a gentle firmness. She slowly started to move her hand up and down, looking directly at Sev and studying her face for her reaction.

"Sev...Severa, sit on the bed." A quick bit of wand-work cleaned the bed as Lily made a cushioning charm for her knees as she knelt before her lifelong friend. 

“Lily, you don’t have to-” Sev stammered.

“-I want to.” Lily interjected, running her tongue around the tip before parting her lips and sucking on it slightly. “Might even say that I need to try this.”

“But…” Sev gasped in a surprising bit of unexpected pleasure, “why?”

“I frigged myself so many times at the thought of doing this to you back in fourth year. So far, it’s as good as I imagined, now shut up and enjoy it.”

Sev laid back onto the bed and did as she was told, fingers trailing down and threading through Lily’s red locks, tightening her grip on the Gryffindory’s head as she sped up. 

A moment later, Lily pulled away, panting for air and with a look in her eyes that was seared into Severa’s soul. As the Slytherin sat up to ask why she stopped, Lily pushed her back down onto the bed and climbed on top, straddling Sev and kissing her passionately.

Sev closed her eyes as she kissed back, letting go of her nervousness as Lily continued to explore her body with her lips and teeth, rocking her pelvis in desperate need as her quim, already wet with desire, slid up and down the length of Sev without penetration. 

"Lily..." 

“Already cast the contraceptive charm, and I’m on the potion.” The redhead replied, lining up the tip with her opening. “Merlin, I’ve wanted to do this for years.”

“It’s my, uh...” Sev gasped as Lily slid down onto her, the warmth and tightness nearly stealing her ability to speak. “...first time.”

Lily shuddered as she broke out into a cold sweat. “Me too, I love you Sev…” she whispered as they kissed, rocking into each other as the passion spiked between them.

“I love you too Lily..." Severa breathed as she kissed her, unused to anything like this. Lily trembled as she kept going, her face flushed as she broke out into a cold sweat on top of the Slytherin.

"Are you okay…?" Sev moaned in concern.

"I'm fine..." Lily mumbled, moving up and down small amounts, adjusting to Sev until the was filled to the hilt.

Sev’s hands found purchase on her hips, learning the rhythm that worked best between them.

"God, you feel so big inside me..." Lily groaned as she moved, moaning as she started to feel the pleasure in a different spot deep inside of her.

Severa loved that she was able to please the witch on top of her, even if her own body felt foreign to herself. The Slytherin focused on that as there was an increasing urge to take control and make Lily cry out and scream in pleasure.

"Lily!" Sev gasped, closing her eyes as Lily’s pace changed, bucking and shuddering as she orgasmed on top of her friend.

"Severus!" Lily moaned, mind blank as she collapsed upon her lover. She held Sev and kissed her cheek profusely, thanking her as she seemed to turn boneless and want to melt into the Slytherin. “I want you to come, too.”

Sev grimaced at the use of the other name, and the base needs that she’d occasionally releave herself of. They rolled over and Sev worked the appendage back inside, having a hard time making sense of her body and her feelings of pleasure.

She couldn’t do it, not as Severa. She never could when it was just a silent, shameful thing to be done into a hand to make it go away. She put the mask back on, and found a rhythm that suited his needs as Severus sped up and went harder, pushing deeper than he probably should have, but the carnal passion had taken over. Their bodies were coated in a thin layer of sweat and Lily whimpered in pain as it was becoming too much, but Severus found that he liked the feeling of control and pain as he finally broke inside her, slamming hard against the back wall of her cunt, twitching and bucking as there was an internal battle of wills, to either enjoy the pleasure or feel ashamed of what Sev had let ‘him’ do inside of her.

“I love you Sev…” Lily whispered, wincing and trembling under Sev, breathing ragged until she finally caught her breath. They remained there, arms around each other, holding each other lightly as they looked into each other's eyes.

"I love you too Lily..." Sev whispered, pulling out and already casting a cleaning charm before putting on her pants and trousers to hide the offending appendage. 

“I love you just the way you are, Severus. You don’t need to change.” Lily whispered, unknowingly breaking Severa’s heart.

* * *

Despite everything that happened in the Shack, Sev realized that Lily could not truly love the real her. She loved the mask that was Severus, and once back at Hogwarts, they were segregated back to their respective houses.

The Marauders weren’t the biggest bullies in Hogwarts anymore as there were multiple gangs of Gryffindors and even Ravenclaws who went after any single student in the hallways for sport. It made for strange and uneasy alliance for Hufflepuffs as started to be seen in Slytherin gangs for defense as well as lookouts for Prefects who wouldn’t simply look the other way.

That’s when the Marauders stepped up their tactics, openly targeting “Death Eater Sympathizers” like Archie.

Sev was handed a note to immediately see her Head of House one afternoon when patrolling the grounds with some aspiring Death Eaters. She made her way to Slughorn’s office, wary as she’d ever seen him cry before.

“Severus, I… have some bad news for you. Better sit down.” 

That was when she noticed the official notice from the Ministry on his desk, complete with moving photos of his family home in Spinners End. Aurors were moving about the living room, taking notice of a broken wand and Eileen hanging from the ceiling. 

“Professor Slughorn?” Severa’s voice quaked in fear.

"Your mother is dead.”


	7. Year Seven (+ Finale)

Severa had dealt with the muggle solicitors who helped arrange the burial of his mother while his father kept drinking himself to an early grave. She bitterly thought that had he been drinking faster, maybe Eileen could be alive instead.

Sev spent the entire summer with Silverthorn, perfecting the Wolfsbane Potion and had it analyzed by the Ministry (who didn’t know what they were doing, honestly) before clinical trials could begin.

The problem, however, was that most werewolves shied away from anything to do with the Ministry and their attempts to control and regulate them, and that the lone test subject was a werewolf locked away in Azkaban who wanted a sentence reduction.

“This is too small of a sample size to prove if it works or not,” James Silverthorn complained, slamming his fist into the stack of notes on his desk.

“Well we cannot simply create more werewolves in captivity simply to test the potion.” Sev mused darkly, having heard rumors that it was indeed happening, as The Dark Lord was employing Fenrir Greyback to raise an army of werewolves in order to take on the Ministry in some sort of grandiose battle.

Sev thought it was a ridiculous plan as it would be simpler for Tom Riddle to be elected as Minister of Magic if only he toned down his anti-muggleborn rhetoric.

“Well, as soon as we have a full sample size and we prove that your potion works, that Mastery is as good as yours.” Silverthorn replied, handing her a copy of _Potions Quarterly_ where Sev was published.

Sev got owls from Lily over the summer, first urging that ‘he’ not change, then attempting to understand the need for wearing women’s garments, and finally a massive apology for not knowing the fate of Eileen Prince.

Severa didn’t know how to respond to any of the letters, so she hadn’t. It seemed for the best, as she loved Lily but understood that the Gryffindor was straight and into men, and therefore their single liaison would also be their last.

It was on an exceptionally stormy night the week before going back to Hogwarts that found Severus opening the door to Lily at Spinner’s End.

“Sev… you’re actually here.”

“I am.”

“I’ve been coming by every week, and your dad said-”

“-been apprenticing with Potions Master Silverthorn.” Sev replied, pointedly looking away from her.

“May I come in?” Lily pleaded, surprised at Sev’s lack of a response.

“Do as you will.” Sev opened the door further, allowing her passage.

“How’s your dad?”

“Passed out from drinking, like always.”

Lily nodded in sad understanding, pulling out her wand to do a drying charm.

“You came over just to do magic?” Severa asked, bitterness infecting every word.

“Of course not! Severus, you’re my friend! I-”

“-You ended the friendship. You then _tricked me_ into getting drunk with you-”

“What are you talking about? You took the shots willingly!”

“So you could get information out of me!”

“You’re a Slytherin; don’t you dare try to pull the morality card on that, for Merlin’s sake!”

“-and we had sex-”

“-which is what I need to talk to you about!”

Her exclamation left Sev stunned silent for a beat.

She looked over Lily carefully before shrugging. “You’re not pregnant.”

“No, I’m not! I actually really enjoyed it and wanted to see about-”

“-I’m not your whore.”

Lily seemed stricken at that. “I never said… Merlin, I’m just trying to-”

“-trying to what, Lily?! Force me to be someone I’m not?!”

Lily shook her head in disappointment. “You sure did seem to enjoy being a man inside me. Most blokes I know would jump at a chance to shag.”

Flat eyes met hers. “Get. Out.”

“This is it, then, Severus? Over a decade of friendship, and you’re willing to throw away… whatever this is… between us?”

“You want Severus, not me. Not who I am, or at least will be.”

“But you _are_ Severus! You’re _my_ Severus, and I love you even if you don’t love yourself! Why can’t you accept who you are?”

Severa shook her head sadly. “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said. I love you, Lily, but love is not enough.”

She scoffed at that. “Of course it is! Why wouldn’t you think so?”

“You don’t want to be with me, not the real me. You just love a lie.”

Lily fumed in anger. “You need help, Severus. Honest-to-god mental help.”

Severa wanted to say something, to get the last word, to force Lily to admit that their friendship was completely destroyed back when Lily accused her of wanting to become a Death Eater when all she wanted to do was to feel safe at Hogwarts from James and the Marauders.

Instead, Lily walked away, and out of Sev’s life forever.

* * *

 

On the Hogwarts Express, there was an uneasy tension as the various groups of students huddled with their respective gangs for protection, as the Prefects patrolled the train to ensure the peace.

That was when she heard the Slytherin Prefect complain about who the new Head Boy was: James Potter.

“He wasn’t even a Prefect! I know Dumbledore is going to be biased towards his precious Gryffindors, but is the Potter boy blowing him up in his office or something?!”

Sev shrugged, knowing that the world was never fair. She also knew that the Head Boy couldn’t be a student who would always disappear every full moon, and the only reason she could fathom for James getting the Head Boy pin was to force the Marauders to become role models and hopefully reduce the number of hallway skirmishes that had been happening.

Albert Runcorn popped into the cabin, saw Sev, and handed her the note. Abraxas Malfoy wanted to see him during the Christmas holidays, and there was a hint about repayment for an investment made.

She knew there had always been a string attached to the apprenticeship, and she’d have to pay it in full before she could become who she was always meant to be.

* * *

It was the week of the first round of exams and Sev and Archie were studying in the restricted section of the library, having gotten permission from Slughorn so that the pair of them could study in relative peace.

Archie never found out about Lily stealing his hair for the polyjuice incident in the previous year, and they rarely even mentioned her name even before that.

Which made Severa’s memory of being kissed by Lily, wearing Archie’s face at the time, even more awkward. She tried to keep her eyes to herself, but sheer curiosity had her compare the genuine Archie to the polyjuiced version in her memory.

“Unless you’re switching teams, Sev, you might want to cool it.” Archie joked, stretching with a massive yawn. “Besides, we’ve been revising for hours; I don’t think I can cram in any more details on transfiguration theory.”

“The Ministry’s NEWT exam is in ten hours, Archie.”

He nodded in agreement. “And I plan on sleeping for the next eight. Won’t do any good to sleep through the exam.”

Sev closed up her books in agreement as the pair of them made their way out of the library, each turning down a different hallway as Archie went towards the kitchens while she went down towards the dungeons.

Severa was in the common room, pointedly trying to ignore the blood supremacist flyers posted. She knew that at least half of Slytherin House was half-blood at least, but most of them got away with hiding it and called themselves purebloods.

“Hey Half-Blood…” Sev blinked slowly, taking a breath to calm herself down as an arrogant pureblood 4th year called her over like one would summon a dog.

“PRINCE!”

Sev turned to face him, neutral mask up. She was getting better at tucking away Severa into a corner of her mind and letting the Severus persona come to life.

“What do you want, Farley?” Jake Farley made a poor attempt to look down his nose at Sev like a Malfoy, difficult as Sev was a head taller than him.

“You better learn to respect your superiors, _Prince._ When The Dark Lord takes over, you’re going to be groveling to Purebloods like me for the time of day.”

Runcorn lazily shot a knockback jinx at Farley, knocking him to the ground as he stood beside Severus.

“Farley, you haven’t gotten an invite to the Inner Circle yet, and you’re not part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Just because you’re part of the Knights of Walpurgis doesn’t mean you’re going to get The Mark.”

The venomous glare that Farley shot at Runcorn could have killed him. Runcorn paid extra insult by turning his back on him, pointedly asking Severus a question loud enough for everyone to hear.

“I’ll see you at Malfoy Manor this Summer?”

Severus nodded, a silent confirmation to the rest of Slytherin House.

* * *

 

Sev bolted awake, a hand clasped on her shoulder that she instantly reached for in sheer panic.

“Sev, my boy, it’s Professor Slughorn. It’s okay!” He whispered in the chilly night air.

Severa blinked a few times, pulled out her wand, and a quick _Tempus_ charm later showed that it was two in the morning.

“Sir?”

“Sorry to wake you, but… something happened. Better come with me.”

Dazed, Sev followed her Head of House to the Hospital Wing, where the Headmaster, Professor Sprout, and Auror Moody were crowding a haggard-looking Poppy Pomfrey who was working with a Healer from St. Mungo’s.

“Mister Snape, I’m going to need to ask you a few questions about this evening.” the Auror began, making a wand and parchment begin to take notes beside him.

The ground seemed to fall out from under the young Slytherin as the face of the patient finally clicked in Sev’s mind.

Archibald Stebbins.

“Archie and I were studying in the library… is he okay?”

“...the Restricted Section, right?” The Auror seemed ready to arrest Severus simply for being a Slytherin.

Sev shrugged at that. “The quiet section. What happened to him?”

Professor Sprout sobbed as she spoke. “Scourgify.” She shook her head in disbelief. “Simple cleaning charm…” She turned into Albus’ embrace, whose eyes were red and flushed with tears.

“Mister Stebbins was attacked with the charm, for a… prolonged time. It appears that he choked on the bubbles until the Head Boy found him and cleared his airway.”

Sev’s heart went cold at the pronouncement. “The ringleader of the FUCKING Marauders just happened to find him?”

“Mister Potter is not a suspect, Severus.” Albus said with finality.

“But I am? He’s my friend!” Sev retorted in anger.

The Auror put forth his left hand to Severus. “A simple _Priori Incantatem_ can settle this.”

Horace Slughorn stood between Alastor and his student. “He has rights, Alastor!”

“If he’s innocent, he’s got nothing to hide.” Moody shot back, the tension rising.

“Enough!” The Healer shouted at the group. “I’m attempting to revive my patient; if you lot would be so kind as to _piss off_ I would be much obliged.”

“Apologies, Rutherford,” Slughorn muttered, glaring at the rest of them. “Alastor, Albus, can we take this outside?”

Severa shoved her way past the teachers and saw “FAGGOT” etched into his forehead by a nasty set of pimple hexes, unconscious to the world around him.

“Is he going to be okay?” Her voice wavered bitterly.

Healer Poke shook his head sadly. “It’s like he drowned, and was pulled out too late. His magical core is strong, his body is working, but his mind, however…”

Sev felt a hot, explosive rage begin to flood through her body. She knew that the Marauders were behind this; using an innocuous ‘light’ spell like Scourgify to effectively kill her remaining non-Slytherin friend.

“...I’ll draw up the paperwork to have him transferred to the Janus Thickey Ward. At least there we can make him comfortable.”

* * *

 

Severa was absolutely isolated; Lily hated her because she wouldn’t be Severus, and Archie would never wake up again due to the Marauders. Even if James or Sirius hadn’t actually cast the spell on Archie, they started bullying the isolated hufflepuffs simply for befriending a Slytherin.

She would see to it that the Marauders would be taken down a peg, if that was the last thing she did at Hogwarts… even if it meant embracing the label of ‘evil Death Eater’ that the rest of the school had been trying to force on her since before she took the boats across the lake.

Severa couldn’t remember her exams, but knew that she did well. Slowly she felt her female persona slipping away, allowing the mask of Severus to take over her entire life. All of her female clothing, including a few dresses and robes she had purchased, were incinerated the night before her last N.E.W.T. exam.

What Severus hadn’t expected, however, was the owl waiting for him by his bedside.

_“We know what you did in the Shrieking Shack. Meet me at the whomping willow at midnight unless you want the school to know. -SB”_

Sev looked at the note, knowing that SB could only stand for Sirius Black. Angrily, Sev whipped out their wand and immolated the parchment before casting a hex near the owl.

There was no way that the Marauders could know what happened there, but Sev refused to leave that up to chance. Severus would have to go, figure out what the Marauders know, and find a way to silence them once and for all.

He needed proof of Lupin being a werewolf at the next full moon in order to earn their silence.

When midnight neared, Severus had himself under a disillusionment charm and was approaching the whomping willow as a rat scurried about and seemed to immobilize the whomping willow by touching a knot near its roots.

Severus realized that the rat was staring at him, almost beckoning him to follow down a well-hidden tunnel at the base of the tree. This animal seemed to be under the control of a wizard, and the only thing Sev could think that could do this was the Imperious Curse.

Dread filled Sev’s heart as he understood that the Marauders have dispensed with only using so-called Light magic. If they were willing to use one, why wouldn’t they be willing to use the Cruciatus Curse, or the Killing Curse?

Crushing sounds startled Sev, making him turn around and realize that the Whomping Willow was no longer immobilized, effectively putting him in a dead end. The only way forward was through the dark, moldy tunnel.

It took her strongest Lumos charm to cut through the darkness in the tunnel, leaving Sev defenseless if he wanted to be able to see an assailant. His pulse tattooed heavily in his neck as a sinister laugh echoed down the length of the unknown tunnel.

“Sirius? You asked me to meet you here!” Severus used his deep voice in hopes to not sound scared as he moved forward, feeling the tunnel turn and begin to go up in elevation.

As Sev kept making his way down the tunnel, there seemed to be a light near the end that made him grateful. He extinguished his wand, but kept it aloft and at the ready for whatever was there.

“Sirius? What information do you think you have on me?” Severus called out, casting the Hominem Revelio and seeing the shimmer of two auras in the near viscinity, and two more at the edge of the spell’s range.

“Snape, you’re here?!” James Potter called out, genuine fear in his voice, “PETER WHAT DID YOU DO?”

James was terrified? Severus grinned in apparent victory as he made his way to the end of the tunnel and found himself in the Shrieking Shack with an obviously scared James Potter and a sneering Peter Pettigrew.

“Sirius thought it would be funny if Snivelly here got to meet-”

James’ wand was out in a flash, making Severus cast a shield charm before returning fire. The spell that James cast, however, was a silencing hex on Peter, making Severus wonder what exactly he had walked into.

“Snape, you need to get out of here. Now.”

Realizing that he had the upper hand, Severus squared his shoulders against his life-long bully. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what supposed dirt Sirius is going to use against me.”

James looked at the Slytherin in confusion. “What are you talking about? Did Sirius… of course he did! Snape, you need-”

There was a crashing sound as wood splintered apart, too loud and close to be a good thing in the shack. Heavy panting and growling told Severus that it wasn’t human, whatever it was.

“-RUN!” James lunged forward, tackling Severus as the door behind him flung open as a fully formed werewolf and massive black dog were snapping at each other.

Sev realized too late what had happened; he forgot it was a full moon and was facing off against Remus Lupin, fully transformed and utterly devoid of any rational thought.

Peter Pettigrew morphed into a rat before the Slytherin’s eyes, running back down the tunnel that was too small for the werewolf to follow. James transformed into a massive stag, putting himself between Severus and the others in the room.

Severus was being given a chance to escape from being mauled by the werewolf, and he was kicking himself for not having a wizarding camera here to record the irrefutable proof that Remus Lupin was a threat to Hogwarts.

The Stag charged the Werewolf, horns pointed forward with the promise of deadly precision as the three animals began to fight each other.

Severus stayed crouched in the tunnel, looking for a chance to neutralize the threats before him as the Stag, Dog, and Werewolf knocked each other around and began destroying everything in the room in their wake.

He was able to cast Incarcerous on the dog, making it yelp in discomfort as the ropes bound it firmly and gave the Stag enough time to rear up on his back legs and slam the werewolf in the head with his right hoof, knocking it out cold. As the werewolf lay there, Severus cast another Incarcerous only to see the dog he tied up transform into a bound Sirius Black.

“RELEASE ME SNIVILLY!” Sirius’ voice burned with a white hot rage.

James Potter turned back into his human form as well, hand and wand raised to indicate that he meant the Slytherin no harm.

“Severus, we only have a few minutes before Remus wakes back up. I need you to get out of here before someone really gets hurt.” James’ voice hadn’t lost any of the fear it had before, only further incensing Severus with this mock concern.

“You really think that Head Boy badge makes me believe for one second you give a damn about anything other than bullying and destroying the lives of whomever you deem unworthy? No, Potter, I think you’re scared that I now know Lupin’s secret and can expose you all for enabling a threat to be at Hogwarts!” Severus was almost giddy with this knowledge, looking for how to best wield it against the Marauders once and for all.

“I had no idea you were coming! We learned to be animagi in order to help distract Lupin in order to keep him from hunting and hurting any of the students on the full moons!” James snapped, looking at Sirius in anger.

“Snivellus was poking that large, ungodly nose into our business and was going to expose is in only a matter of time, James! I invited him here in order to have Lupin handle the problem!”

“Handle the problem?” Severus went icy at that. “You saw me as a loose end and thought that Lupin could-” He couldn’t get out the words ‘kill me’ out of his mouth. He always knew that the Marauders were a nasty group of friends, but never that they would go this far.

“It shouldn’t surprise me that y’all would conspire to murder me, not after what you did to Archie.”

James looked horrified at that. “Murder? No… and we didn’t do a damn thing to Archie!”

Sirius laughed darkly at that. “Poor widdle Sevvy is worried about his boyfriend or something? It was just harmless joke.”

Spells bounced off of a Protego shield as Severus poured his rage into his magic, infecting it with his dark intentions to avenge the fate of his last true friend.

“He’ll never recover, Black! It’s as good as having his soul sucked out. I’d rather be dead than stuck in a lifeless shell like he is now!”

“THAT’S WHAT HE DESERVES FOR BEING A SWORD-SWALLOWER WITH YOU!” Sirius raged, making James get between the two of them and put up a shield charm as a buffer.

“Padfoot, what the fuck?!” James said in astonishment, “Snape, I’ll get you back to the castle safely. Where’s Peter, anyways?”

* * *

 

Peter was at the other end of the Whomping Willow, looking guilty next to the Headmaster who seemed a mix of irate and dissappointment.

“Severus, my boy, what are you doing out after hours?”

Sev hated the way Dumbledore addressed him. “I was threatened by Sirius if I didn’t show up only to nearly get murdered by his pet werewolf. Are you going to punish the Marauder Gang at all as well, or will your blatant pro-Gryffindor bias win out yet again?”

“They will serve detentions as I deem-”

“-so they won’t really be punished. I should have known back when they nearly killed me in my first year and they got off scott-free because ‘it was an accident’. Archie is as good as dead, and even there YOU refuse to punish those responsible-”

“Severus, I tire of your constant accusations without proof. I understand that you don’t like these individuals-”

“-they assaulted me, four-on-one, for years! You know the depth of their cruelty-”

“-which makes you blind to see the goodness that I see within them. You owe James Potter a Life Debt, if I am not mistaken.”

Severus was apoplectic at that. “I OWE HIM?!”

“He did save you from being killed-”

“-by his best friend, which his other best friend helped set up!”

“The innate rules of magic will see it differently. And as you owe him, I believe that the best way to repay this debt will be to keep Remus’ secret so as to not destroy the promising careers of these fine young gentlemen.”

Severus was dumbfounded at that. “Promising careers of what? Reckless endangerment?”

“James Potter will be joining Frank Longbottom and Alice Prewett in the Auror Academy after graduation. Sirius will be going-”

“How many students have to be destroyed for your precious Gryffindors, Headmaster?”

“Severus, if you ever wish to get your Potions Mastery, it might be in your best interest to _not burn any bridges_. Now you can get Mister Lupin to be a test subject and I’m certain that the Ministry would be willing to lower the threshold of test subjects in order to get your Wolfsbane potion into production without requiring the entire werewolf community to come forward and create mass panic.”

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore was dangling Sev’s Potions Mastery before him like some sort of bargaining chip to ensure his complaince. The injustice of it all burned deep within Sev; the one thing that was her ticket to a new life was being held back due to James. Fucking. Potter.

Severus conceded, angry at the world and the injustice of it all. Angry that the Marauders could literally get away with murder over and over again, taking away all of his friends and leaving him surrounded by Pureblood Supremacists and Death Eaters.

* * *

 

The agony of taking the Dark Mark was nothing compared to the sting of losing Lily, Archie, and his mother Eileen. As The Dark Lord promised, he would have an army of Dark Creatures, lead by Fenrir Greyback. Any turned werewolf who didn’t meet the minimum threshold of violence and depravity were immediately turned into the Ministry, framed for having engaged in the muggle hunting that the Death Eaters were beginning to do as practice skirmishes. By the following winter, The Dark Lord gave Severus his first, most difficult task: to apply to work at Hogwarts and spy on Headmaster Dumbledore.

The Dark Lord personally taught and tested Severus’ Occlumency shields. Sev purposefully withheld his Severa persona, amazed that the compartmentalization had helped guard her thoughts and memories from anyone trying to pry into her mind.

When Severus was waiting to be interviewed by Albus at the Three Broomsticks, he overheard part of a prophecy that concerned his new Master and ran off to report it. Naturally, Sev was tortured for not remaining and getting his interview done as the Dark Lord had commanded.

Severus was required to beg to schedule a second interview with the Headmaster, even though Horace Slughorn was being vaguely threatened into early retirement.

It was just before the rescheduled interview that Severus had been summoned by The Dark Lord, congratulating him on earning his Potions Mastery at the age of 19.

“Severus,” The Dark Lord hissed idly, “I meant to thank you for the prophecy that you overheard, ensuring that I vanquish my vanquisher before they even know about it.”

“You are most welcome, my Lord.” Severus said, bowing gratefully.

“Once I find the Potters, I will make an such an example out of James and Lily that nobody else will dare stand up to me.”

Severus hadn’t even known that his Lily Evans had somehow wound up married to, of all people, James Potter. And once the Dark Lord had marked Lily for death, Sev found himself bending the knee one last time to a man he learned to loathe as much as the Marauders themselves: Albus Dumbledore.

* * *

 

_Dear Severus, (Severua?)_

_I’m writing this in the slimmest of hopes that you’ll actually read this letter in its entirety and give us a chance to rekindle our friendship. James and I have rowed for over a week about this, but he finally agrees with me as we have recently gone into hiding after being advised to due to a prophecy that has marked us for death by You-Know-Who himself._

_It was Albus Dumbledore who told us of this threat, strangely right after hiring you to become the new Potions teacher to replace old Slughorn. James and I had wondered how Albus, the most powerful wizard today, would be so foolish as to hire a Death Eater who answers to You-Know-Who to work in his school._

_I know you’ve been branded with The Dark Mark, and yet this unusual act of trust by Albus while telling us that You-Know-Who was specifically coming after us due to the vague prophecy made me suspicous._

_It made me realize that, even despite the years apart, that you’re looking out for me._

_I cannot imagine how much risk you’re putting yourself in as the war seems to be getting worse. Even as we’re in hiding at a secret-kept house, I worry for the sake of my children._

_Sev, I’m pregnant with a second child. I plan on naming her Eileen, after your mother, and I’d like to name you as her Godparent. (Sirius is the Godfather to my first born, Harry James Potter. James is still trying to figure out how to break this to him.)_

_Even with all of the precautions we’re taking, I wanted to clear the air with you and ask that, if the worst were to happen and You-Know-Who wins… that you ‘regenerate’ and take my children with you._

_Unlike James and Sirius, Harry and Eileen are innocent and deserve a happy life far away from this stupid war over blood supremacy._

_If you’re willing to discuss all this, I’d like you to come join us for a Halloween meal. We’re in Godric’s Hallow, and I can meet you at the local church and bring you past the wards._

_Though my feelings for you may have changed over the years, I never stopped loving you. And while we’re obviously not compatible, Sev, I want you to understand that you are always going to be my dearest friend._

_I look forward to you coming on the 31st._

_-Lily Evans-Potter_


End file.
